At this point, I am pretty sure Titus Pullo is the luckiest son of a bitch in the Bronze Age.
Last we saw Titus, he was claiming the wagon loads of gold that Pompey “borrowed” from the treasury, complete with some slave woman who still doesn’t seem to have a name or even a voice. Has she spoken yet? Beats me.
But if Octavian reminds me of Joffrey, that must mean Pompey’s son Quintus is a bit of Ramsay Bolton. The episode opens with Pompey explaining for who knows how many times to the Senators that they didn’t abandon Rome; they made a strategic move to win the war in the long run. To that end, Pompey’s son Quintus managed to learn from a survivor what happened to the gold. Some of Caesar’s scouts probably have it. Pompey sends junior off to find the gold from those guys so he can, you know, pay his soldiers.
Back in Rome, after establishing marshall law, Caesar wants a sign to the people that he’s Da Man. He may get one. In the meantime, Marc Antony does the full frontal thing. Now there’s something we probably haven’t seen off anyone who isn’t Hodor on Game of Thrones. But offering Vorenus a big signing bonus and promotion to come back doesn’t work. He plays with the law to point out he’s off the hook and wants to set up a business dealing with, um, slaves.
So, we have two big parties. Atia throws a rather sedate one for her uncle Caesar, and Vorenus throws a wilder one to launch his new business venture. Niobe, meanwhile, shows just what a terrible judge of character she was because her baby daddy isn’t just some random schnook, but her brother-in-law. And her sister knows. Really, Vorenus seems to be the only one who doesn’t know where that baby came from.
After the feast at Vorenus, Qunitus shows up lookin’ fer that gold. And that’s when Pullo comes in, dressed nice, with the still nameless slave also dressed nice, tossing gold coins around. Man, he really is a lucky son of a bitch since his quick thinking results in Quintus’ capture. And yeah, that buzzkill Vorenus insists that Pullo turn in his gold since it was obvious where it came from. As it is, Caesar is willing to send Quintus back to his daddy with a truce offer. And he’s so grateful for that, he doesn’t even begin to question how Titus got the gold, so he gives Titus a small fortune as a reward and claims the treasury money.
Who doesn’t get the truce offer? Marc Antony. He’s not as good at the politics thing.
Who does? That sneak Octavian, who then witnesses Caesar having an epileptic seizure. I’m sure the spying maid hearing Caesar’s fit will not jump to the wrong conclusion, especially after Atia questioned her son’s manhood. But the truce was never meant to be taken. The terms are awful. If Pompey rejects it, then that further justifies Caesar’s actions. Maybe not as much as Caesar spending the night with Servilia instead of his wife, but Octavian gets it. He’s that kind of sneak.
Maybe next time we can get that slave woman’s name.