Simpsons Did It!: “Homer The Great”

A John Swartzwelder script!  Freemasons parodies!  A guy in a squeaky egg costume!  The only episode to feature Homer Glumplet!  What isn’t there to love in this episode?

Homer has never been a popular man, and his life can be terrible.  Why, then, do Lenny and Carl seem to be living more of the high life and not being around on Wednesday nights?  Well, it’s a secret.

Shut up!

It turns out to not be much of a secret considering the size of the building with the insignia on the outside and all the guys with robes going in and out.  And the fact Homer was smart enough to figure out a way to follow his co-workers to the secret place.

Shut up!

Actually, it turns out Lenny, Carl, and pretty much every adult man in Springfield that isn’t Homer or apparently Ned Flanders (and maybe Apu) is a member of this allegedly ancient and secret organization that has been controlling world events for centuries.  No, I don’t believe it either.  Homer wants in, and the only ways in are to save a Stonecutter’s life or be the son of one.

Oh yeah, they’re called the Stonecutters.

Oh, and Grampa was a member.  Homer’s self-hypnosis to ignore the old man didn’t work out so well because he missed that crucial information and still thinks he’s a chicken.  Grampa leading the way, Homer gets to join and goes through the ass-paddling that is the initiation.  And then there’s not much except for drinking and playing ping pong, though at least the chapter leader Number One sounds like Patrick Stewart, and he’s clearly predating the various Seth MacFarlane stuff he’s done where his classy vocals give gravitas to the silliest stuff.

Oh, and then there’s The Song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSpOjj4YD8c

It isn’t long before Homer disgraces himself and is drummed out.  He has to walk home naked while dragging the Stone of Shame.  Then they see Homer’s birthmark, realize the bald guy is their Chosen One destined to lead them to glory, and he’s saved!  The Stone of Shame is removed!  The larger, heavier Stone of Triumph is attached!

After the requisite abuse of power, Homer learns being a god on Earth isn’t much fun and takes some advice from Lisa to use his power to help the less fortunate.  That goes over as well as can be expected.  It seems Homer now really is mad with power, like that Albert Schweitzer guy.  The Stonecutters don’t stand for that, and not even the secret World Council of Orville Redenbacher, Jack Nicholson, Mr. T, and George Bush (the elder) can disobey the directives of the Stonecutters’ Chosen One.

Unless, of course, they don’t want to be Stonecutters anymore.  Cue the Ancient Society of No Homers, and they are allowed to have exactly one in the form of Homer Glumplet.

With nothing but monkeys re-enacting the Civil War, Homer soon realizes being a member of the Simpson family is more fun than being in what he had earlier called a crappy club for jerks.

Maybe Homer can just add the Stonecutters to his revenge list alongside the Bill of Rights, the Boy, Gravity, and Stern Lecture Plumbing.  They all clearly have it coming.  That’ll be our secret.

Shut up!