Simpsons Did It!: “Lisa’s Rival”

In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.

Sometimes, The Simpsons has a joke or something that really dates the episode in question. This particular episode does that with a guest star. Winona Ryder guest stars as Allison Taylor. Men my age, who came of age in the early 90s, well, we probably all had a crush on her back then. I know I sure did.

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Oh yeah, got lost somewhere. It happens. For Ryan, it occurs when someone mentions Krull.

Lines like that are just my way of seeing if management is paying any attention to me at all over here.

Anyway, you know what makes Lisa Simpson unnerved? The idea that someone is better than her. That’s what happens when Ryder’s Allison joins Lisa’s class. She seems to be smarter, a better sax player, and she’s a year younger. And she doesn’t really sound like Ryder. But man, its Winona Ryder! Every guy my age’s first celebrity crush! Allison doesn’t deserve Lisa’s resentment, but her condescending professor father sure does. What a jerk!

That would include Watson. — “Men my age” would include Watson.

How does Lisa overcome her jealousy? Guilt, obviously! Letting Bart pull nasty pranks on poor Allison allows Lisa to see what an awful person she was being against someone who doesn’t deserve it. It also somehow allows Ralph Wiggum to win the diorama contest by just bringing in a bunch of Star Wars action figures.

And Bart’s really good at this, considering he got Milhouse on America’s Most Wanted. Hey, look, a Fugitive reference! How 90s!

Man, The Fugitive is a really good movie. About the only thing that would have made it better was Winona Ryder.

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You know, Jimmy’s probably the right age too.

Homer, meanwhile, is trying to sell a pile of sugar he found “in the forest” complete with blasting caps and broken glass. Besides encounters with bees, tricky Englishmen, and the most Adam West-y beekeeper in history who wasn’t actually Adam West, Homer’s plot goes nowhere. And by that, I mean the rain washes his sugar away.

But Ralph Wiggum bent his wookiee. Winona Ryder had that effect on people.