July 1, 2022

Gabbing Geek

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Simpsons Did It!: “$pringfield (Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Legalized Gambling)”

Oy, that’s a long episode title.

The town of Springfield is in the midst of an economic collapse.  This may come as a surprise to old timers who remember when the streets were literally paved with gold.  What can pull the town out of its doldrums?

I dunno.  Let’s sidetrack to some bit about Homer finding Henry Kissinger’s glasses in a toilet.  That’s embarrassing for multiple people on multiple levels.

Why was Henry Kissinger at the Nuclear Plant to begin with anyway?

Well, look, the town opts to give legalized gambling a shot.  It’ll prevent Mayor Quimby from running to another town with the treasury, increase Mr. Burns’ stranglehold on the town, and Rev. Lovejoy assures us all that once something is legalized by the government, it is no longer immoral.

That doesn’t sound like something a religious man would say…

So, Mr. Burns does build his casino, named for him, with apparent glass jaw retired boxer Gerry Cooney at the door.  Then he turns into Howard Hughes.  Smithers is right to be concerned, especially when the Spruce Moose turns out not to be a model.

The casino brings all kinds of changes.  Homer becomes a blackjack dealer, which may or may not have been his lifelong dream.  Bart, kicked out of Burns’ place by the Squeaky Voiced Teen, sets up his own casino in his treehouse.  And Marge becomes a slotjocky.

That’s actually a serious problem for the family, as Marge becomes addicted to trying to win some quarters, missing Maggie crawling off to be nearly eaten by a magician’s act’s tiger, or keeping Homer from going nuts over the boogieman.

See, someone trusted Homer with a shotgun.

What really brings Marge back is a broken promise.  That sounds wrong.  She broke the promise to help Lisa with a costume for a geography pageant, which is apparently a thing.  Instead, Homer did it.  It was terrible.  He had to get his wife back from Gamblor, the monster that Homer says had ensnared her with his foul clutches.

Side note:  not only does Homer not know what Florida looks like, he can’t spell it either.  But at least Lisa got an award for not having parental help.

So, Marge goes home.  Homer’s casino rampage convinces Burns to snap out of it and send Homer back to the nuclear plant.  And Bart got Robert Goulet to appear at his treehouse casino.

Goulet plays well to the crowd.  He did much better than Milhouse’s magic act.  That got him attacked by a pair of cats.

And the big casino’s magic act was attacked by a tiger.

I think I see a theme here involving felines and magic.  Best avoid combinations of those things.

Also best to avoid:  questions on why Mr. Burns thought crippling an Irishman in his youth was so funny.

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