While Watson may have found a way to simulcast for a recent podcast, he still has not been able to make it into the office to actually, you know, do his job around here.
Which means we’re still somehow finding people to do the Box Office Report for him.
We found another Watson cousin, locked in an asylum for the criminally insane. He’s cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs…literally. He just loves that cereal. Oh, and he was interested in world conquest.
His name? Professor Watsoni.
Here’s what he had to say:
So, they say I am mad, am I? Truly mad? Would the truly mad fork over an additional $52 million dollars for Batman Vs Superman? I wouldn’t! For one, my plot to trick those costumed fools into destroying themselves will be much more devious and subtle! Mu-hahahahahaha!
And I will earn the money needed to enact my plot after I have successfully sued Disney for stealing my idea to anthropomorphize wild animals to become my minions! Yes, I may have taken the idea from H.G. Wells, but his ideas are in the public domain! As such, the $20 million dollars Zootopia earned this past weekend will go nicely into making me MASTER OF THE WORLD!
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 managed to make $11 million. My first act as MASTER OF THE WORLD will be to ban such romantic comedies of questionable purpose!
Fourth place was God Is Not Dead 2. That earned $8 million! I know God is not dead, because I have not enacted my plans against the Almighty yet! MU-HAHAHAHAHAHA!
And then Miracles From Heaven got $7.5 million. Man, I’ll bet the fourth and fifth place films really split the spiritual moviegoer dollar this last weekend.
Now, would you like to see my weather machine? MU-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Don’t worry, folks. His weather machine was a dixie cup full of pipe cleaners. I’m not worried, and you shouldn’t be either.