Jimmy Attempts To Read All Of Secret Wars XXIX

So, not unexpectedly I’m way behind in going through all of Secret Wars.  But give me a break, there are over 200 issues and counting to this event.  At least the Secret Wars main series being so extremely late and now extended an issue gives me until at least December, if not 2016, to finish up “on time”.

After the cut I’ll take a spoiler filled look at the latest issue of the main series: Secret Wars #6.  As well, I’ll finish off my review of the series Old Man Logan.  I previously looked at Parts 1 and 2 and in this post I’ll examine Old Man Logan #3, Old Man Logan #4 and Old Man Logan #5.  I’ll save spoilers until after the cut, but let’s just say, we have another disappointing ending to add to the pile.

Related links:
Secret Wars Power Rankings
Tom’s Road To Secret Wars: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7.
Other parts of this series: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

Secret Wars #6

It’s been about a month since Doom accepted Dr. Strange’s resignation.  For a so called God, Doom sure seems to have a hell of a time tracking down all the surviving members from the 616 and 1610 universes.  He has tasked the search to his daughter Valeria and her Foundation who have had limited success.  So far, only Corvus Glaive and Proxima Midnight have been found, and that was only by luck because Apocalypse stumbled upon them in his domain.  Black Swan is another of the survivors, but she has rejoined Doom’s side voluntarily.  (Remember, she worshiped Doom long before he became the God of Battleworld.)

Elsewhere on Battleworld, hidden from the eyes of Doom (how again do you hide from God?), 616 good guy Reed Richards and 1610 ultimate evil Reed Richards are working together to try to find a way to defeat Doom.  616 Reed is concerned about what will happen to Battleworld if/when they defeat Doom.  The Maker (the horrible alter ego name for 1610 Reed) is more concerned about the defeat itself and has sent out “The Prophet” to raise an army against Doom and march on Doomstadt.

What they can agree on is the need to find the source of Doom’s power.  A mission that Reed has sent Spider-Men Peter Parker and Miles Morales on.  Using “some gizmo” the duo track Doom’s power to the Molecule Man statue…well, about 10 feet below the statue.

Upon their approach they are intercepted by Valeria Von Doom.  She also has a doohickey that has lead her there on a similar quest.  She tells them of the trap door to get below the statue and that she is not going in with them.  Her world is already crumbling with suspicions that her “father” is not who he says he is, she doesn’t need to add to it right now.  But in exchange for not capturing the Spider’s she wants the answers to two questions:

Val: Were you on the ship?  That vessel we found?

Spider-Man (Peter): One of them.  It was a life raft.

Val: Okay…and none of you from the raft killed Stephen Strange, did you?

Spider-Man (Peter): No.  Of course not.

Val: Right.  I didn’t think so.

What follows next is a very weird exchange between the Spider’s and Owen Reese, the Molecule Man that involves a three week old hamburger, that is funny but makes very, very little sense.  Peter says they have come looking for the source of Doom’s power.  Molecule Man says, “You’re looking at him.”

Later in Castle Doom, Doom is meeting with the barons of various domains…which makes things very weird for some of the tie-ins if you’ve been reading Future Imperfect and Age of Apocalypse.  So we’ll ignore that aspect of things for now.  The barons are reporting to Doom of the existence of “The Prophet” and his efforts to rally people against Doom.  Doom refuses to waste his loyal Thors on taking down this “Prophet” and his mob, so he tasks the barons to take care of it themselves.  Little does Doom know that in the domain of Bar Sinister, 616 Carol Danvers is making her move behind the scenes with Mr. Sinister.

On the hidden Isle of Agamotto, Stephen Strange’s domain, former mortal enemies Black Panther and Namor are working together.  It seems when your kingdoms and all your people have already been killed, you don’t have a whole lot left to fight about.  Inside the island the two find a pair of artifacts that Strange saved from the dying 616 universe.  One, the Siege Courageous, which will transport them anywhere they wish to go.  And two, just a little inconsequential thing called the Infinity Gauntlet.

This issue concludes at The Shield as we learn the fate of 616 Ben Grimm and the current whereabouts of 616 Thanos.  It turns out that Ben Grimm himself is the Shield.  “Banished” much like Johnny Storm when he was turned into the sun.  A move surely done by Doom to punish the surviving members of the Fantastic Four and keep Sue Richards and her children to himself.  Ben doesn’t remember any of this…but Thanos does.  And like everything with Thanos he has a plan.  He was not simply captured and detained at The Shield, he allowed it to get closer to Ben Grimm and tell him the truth.  A truth which Ben is none too happy about.  (Read much more about Ben and Thanos in the excellent Siege tie-in, particularly issue 4.)

Old Man Logan #3

Logan is in real trouble against Apocalypse in the domain of Apocalypse until he is “saved” by the female Thor that struck him down last issue.  As Thor and Apocalypse argue, Logan sneaks away.

Thor hunts around the domain for him until Logan decides to bring the fight to her.  Attacking her from the rooftops she again strikes Logan down with lightening and the “Logan Battleworld Mystery Tour” continues as he falls into the domain of Technopolis.  The armored domain featured in Armor Wars.

He is rescued by “good friends” baron Tony Stark and Thor James Rhodes.  (For more on these guys be sure to check out Armor Wars.)  What follows is a lot of talking and another Thor roasting a defiant Logan and eventually dropping him into another domain for defying Doom…the Deadlands.

Old Man Logan #4 

The “Old Man Logan Battleworld Tour” continues.  This issue is actually pretty simple.  Logan endlessly fights the Marvel Zombies until he runs into She-Hulk who’s been endlessly fighting the Marvel Zombies.  She-Hulk says that she can’t jump high enough to escape over the wall, but after some reluctance eventually agrees to jump as high as possible and throws Logan out of the domain.  He lands in what looks like Manhatten, which must be in the Limbo domain since that is right next store to the Deadlands.  That is the only thing that makes sense right?

Old Man Logan #5

Well…landing in Limbo might be the only thing that makes sense, but it seems that Logan has ended up in Manhattan.  THE Manhattan from Ultimate End that is supposedly the remnants of the 616 and 1610 Manhattans smushed together.  (It really isn’t I argue, but anyway…)  But if you take out your handy dandy Battleworld map you will see that Manhattan is exceptionally far away from the Deadlands.  That She-Hulk must have one hell of a pitching arm!

And you want to know what else happens this issue?  Logan eats a steak while the X-Men stare at him.  Emma Frost tells him of a possible future where he makes a difference fighting Doom…and then he wakes up in the new Marvel Universe.  Um…WTF?

Oh, he meets his “son” from the Ultimate universe in there too.  Mega important.  And remember that page long speech in Years of Future Past by Colossus that we hated?  We basically get the same thing here as a convo between Frost and Logan takes up 9/10ths of the page with one little drawing in the middle.

Just a horrible wrap up to a series that seemed to have so much potential with great writing and art and a beloved character that just turned into “let’s bounce Old Man Logan around Battleworld for no real reason for five issues before we use him in the new Marvel Universe as our way to get around killing Wolverine last year”.

Ryan also dropped by my broomcloset office with some thoughts about OML after the release of issue 5 and the latest Secret Wars Power Rankings…

Ryan: Old Man Logan.  Three spaces.  That’s all Old Man Logan fell after a complete trainwreck of an ending.  We all thought Armor Wars had a weak ending–this last issue of OML makes the final Armor Wars look like Watchmen.  You can’t call it an ending because it didn’t end anything, didn’t wrap anything up, and does ​*anyone*​ remember the Ultron head that kicked off this whole adventure?

I’ve always thought the power rankings were a bit like ranking college football teams.  Old Man Logan was a powerful contendor.  It had some confusing moments in the middle but a strong creative team that could have tied it all together in the end.  Instead this was the football equivalent of being shut out and actually scoring some touchdowns for your opponent in the championship game.  It should be much, much lower at this point.

And can we at least raise Runaways a bit more?  Because as more and more final issues come out for the Secret Wars tie-ins it’s obvious that many are missing in their final episodes.  Runaways still has the best ending.  Actually, I don’t care about how high it goes I just didn’t want Jimmy to think we were done talking about Runaways.  Because Runaways.