February 27, 2024

Gabbing Geek

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Star Wars Episode IX Lands A Director And You Should Be Ashamed

I find your lack of taste in good movies...disturbing.  And now, at long last, the Sith shall have their revenge.
“I find your lack of taste in good movies…disturbing. And now, at long last, the Sith shall have their revenge.”

This is why we can’t have nice movies.  Let’s be honest–Jurassic World could have been directed by a banana wearing a wig and when the movie makes that much money that banana would get tons of lucrative offers thrown their way.  Because when you have a decent cast reading a horrible script but you put in mother-loving dinosaurs then suddenly everyone rushes to the theater like they were giving away free anti-immigrant ice cream and you lived in Arizona.  Jurassic World’s wig-wearing-banana was Colin Trevorrow who has exactly one non-dinosaur movie credit to his name, Safety Not Guaranteed.  Which was an okay movie but nothing that you’d jump up and down over.

According to our friends at Comic Book Resources, Mr Trevorrow has just been handed the gold crown and will be announced shortly as the director for Star Wars Episode IX.  So congratulations everyone who loved one of the stupidest scripts to make it to the screen in years, you just gave him the concluding chapter in the latest trilogy.

Oh, and lest you think “Sure, Jurassic World was a script with less brain activity than a guy who shoots fireworks off his own head, but he was just the director of that horrible wordburger with CGI dinos” then I have some bad news: Mr Trevorrow wrote Jurassic World.  So well done, you masses with no taste.  You just ruined Episode IX.