Why George R R Martin Sucks

I'm not falling for your pinchable face anymore you evil bastard.
I’m not falling for your pinchable face anymore you evil bastard.

Hi George.  Can I call you George?  No?  Cool.  George it is.

I’m here to tell you why you suck.  Doubtless you’ve heard it before, but you’ve never heard it from me.  Because I’ve been a huge supporter and a fan.  Not as long as others, for sure.  Long enough.

Yes, I’ve read your books.  But I’m not here to tell you that you suck because I want the next books to come out immediately.  I want them to come out, of course.  Or rather, I did.  I wanted them to be good, not fast, though.  So I was more than happy to have you take your time.  Make it good, make it count, I always said.  Actually, I never said that.  And I’m not going to say it now.

I watched the first season of Game of Thrones on HBO.  It was fine.  I didn’t understand why so many people went bonkers over it given how much was cut out.  As difficult as the books could be to follow, they at least had the details to make actions seem understandable.  The series seemed to skip all that motivation and justification material and replace it with a lot of boobies.  Which probably kept people from asking too many questions.

Halfway through season 2 I stopped watching.  Because I knew what was going to happen and I could afford to wait.  No rush for me, I was years ahead by reading all five of your books.  Or so I thought.

But then you changed, George.  Your writing pace seemed to get slower.  “No book this year,” your editor proudly announced in January.  That was a dick move.  I don’t know what I’ll be doing for all of this year, but I also don’t know what I won’t be doing.  Couldn’t it be an option to, you know, finish a book that you’ve been working on for four years?  They put on an entire Olympic Games since then, George.  Summer and Winter.  And I know how much you like those Winter Games.

I get it, you’ve been busy.  Busy writing short stories about side characters or more side characters or oh my god even more friggin side characters?  You even wasted time working on a book of backstory and maps.  And normally that’d be all well and good.  Do what you want, I always say.  Well, rarely say.

Except you made a deal for a TV show, George.  And that TV show doesn’t take multi-year breaks.  You knew it could catch up and yet you continued to work on all these side projects.

And now it’s confirmed that the TV show is going to spoil the books.  Confirmed.

Hell no.  We had a deal, George.  I read your massive books, I kept characters names straight and looked them up when I needed.  I put up with your killing my favorites and bringing them back only to kill them again.  That was mean, George.

And I didn’t talk.  I spoiled nothing.  Nothing!  I kept my damn mouth shut so your new fangled TV fans, those fickle beasts, wouldn’t get upset and could still have their viewing parties and then I would tolerate their “OHMYGOD THE RED WEDDING!  NOBODY COULD HAVE PREDICTED THAT!” rants when we knew for years.  YEARS, GEORGE!  

We did that for you.  did that for you.  And you repay me by favoring those fans over me?  You repay me by giving up and letting the TV show spoil the books?  THE TV SHOW IS GOING TO SPOIL THE BOOKS?!

And what’s the last straw?  The very last middle finger to the people who actually cared about your work before it had boobies in it?  You aren’t even working harder to finish the books.  You aren’t telling people that you’ll work hard, that you’re sorry, that you’ll finish as soon as you can or you’ll write a different ending for the books from the TV show or anything that would prove you care about your reading fans.

No.  You’re developing a brand new show for HBO.  An indulgent piece of crap about a science fiction writer.

Screw you, George.  Go climb the Wall and jump off.

 

ryan

Gabbing Geek co-founder, podcaster

13 thoughts on “Why George R R Martin Sucks

  1. I’ve never read martin’s books, as I’m not a fantasy fan. I did get sucked into game of thrones on HBO, and after watching all the way up to season 5 I refuse to watch anymore. there is no point, as the show is just a bunch of evil assholes killing less evil assholes. where is the entertainment value? Quite frankly, I don’t give a hundred red shits if the white walkers kill everyone in that wretched sewer martin created. fuck martin and fuck this story. I’m going to barnes and noble with a dirty ass and using one of his books to wipe and I’m sticking it back on the shelf.

  2. Hear hear Ryan G, couldn’t have said it better. Martin has a talent for writing characters only, has no ability to write endings and the joke is on us.

  3. I feel the same way. I’ve been reading these books since 1997. I was in 8th grade and found the book in a huge pile. Every time a new book would come out I would buy it right away, and wait patiently until the next one came out. Until 2006 when the books just didn’t seem like they were coming out. I checked the updates for years to see if dance with dragons would come out. After waiting 8 years for the book to just wrap up the same timeline that happened in the last book but now on the other side of the world.

    Great.

    It must be nice writing in obscurity for your whole career and then hitting the big time. It probably feels good to go to conference after conference and try my damnd’est to spend money faster than it took to make it.

    It would also be nice to complete your masterpiece and take your place among the best fantasy writers in history instead of letting it fall to shit at the hands of HBO writers and producers before the artwork can take hold.

    I guess we’ll at least remember Game of Thrones for being one of the best HBO series of the 2010s.

    1. If GRRM takes to heart what is said on a blog anywhere, he’d never leave the house. Someone in his profession needs to develop a thick skin, or else the first bad review would mean he quit the writing thing and never went back to it. Professional writers get rejected all the time, even the good ones. The only way any of them become and stay professional writers is to stick to it until some editor says “yes.”

      Of course, I say that as a writer. Not a professional one, mind you. I’ve never been paid for my work, but I write here all the time. That’s writing. It’s putting words down in the hopes someone will read them, and knowing not everyone will. Martin has done well for himself, and personally I enjoy the Song of Ice and Fire quite a bit. I’d actually be flattered if he read something of mine here, even if he didn’t care for it. But he’s a busy guy so I doubt he’s scrolling for every reference to himself online. At least, I hope he isn’t. That’d be rather depressing if he was.

  4. Spot on. George RR Martin wouldn’t HAVE an HBO show, or gobs of money, or millions of people knowing who he is, but for the fans of his books. But now that he has all that, does he give two shits about the fans who got him where he is? Of course not. He’s perfectly content to ride their support and dollars to the Promised Land, then turn around and give them the finger.

  5. I am so sick and tired of going onto Yahoo just to get spoiled some more by that sh!t show. Come on man! Get. the. book. done. This is horrible, just horrible. I wish I never started those damn books and every time I see Martin on a late night show or hearing about a new project I want to punch him.

  6. George can stick his winds of winter in his ugly retarded fat ass. He is a complete asshole who disrespects his readers. And lazy as hell. Ca I have my money back please you moron.
    And lets be honest, there are way better writers out there. Waaaaay better

  7. You are to much hung up on his books, which is odd because he is a pretty poor writer. An uppity screen writer who rewrites various historical narratives with dragons and zombies in a way that only makes sense for a TV script but not a properly written book.

    You should, therefor, rejoice in the fact that the TV show is measurably better than that derivative fantasy pulp GRRM peddles as novels. Forget about those schizophrenically assembled Tolkien imitations and enjoy the show. It will be better and cost you less time.

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