Simpsons Did It!: “The Hateful Eight-Year-Olds”

There are a lot of guest stars in this episode, and I have no idea who most of them are.

Weezer, I know.  Everyone else?  Nope!

But there’s something unusual going on in the Simpson house:  Lisa has a friend named Addy (guest star Joey King, whoever that is), and Addy invited Lisa to a sleepover party.  The two had met in the Springfield Library and bonded over a love of horses.  Sure, Bart doesn’t get the appeal of horses to girls, and he and Lisa have a fight over it with Lisa symbolically severing the sibling bond, but you just know that won’t last.  It’s foreshadowing!

Yeah, well, it turns out Addy is, like, really, really rich.  Her house is huge, and she has horses.  Lisa didn’t know that until she got to the place, and she’s the first to arrive.  Homer and Marge then opt to leave her there with the party planner (Lilly Singh, whoever that is).  Everything seems to be working out fine, so where will Homer and Marge go next?

Homer made plans (for once) for a midnight booze cruise.  Marge is pleased and remembers how handsome Homer is when he makes minimal effort, and off they go.

So, what goes wrong?  Simple.  Addy is sweet and nice.  Then the other girls show up, voiced by guest stars Lili Reinhart, Madelaine Petsch, and Camila Mendes.  I don’t really know who most of them are.  Reinhart popped up in a movie or two I’ve seen, but apparently, they’re all on Riverdale.

I stay out of Riverdale.

I said I’m staying out.

Anyway, these three girls are very cruel and mock Lisa for her, well, immaturity as an average eight year old, I suppose.  Addy, now going by Addison, joins in under the idea that she used to be the one at the bottom of the pile so she brought someone nerdier than herself.  She even suggests Lisa do the same, but Lisa isn’t cruel.  So, as the other girls make memes of Lisa’s fear over some really messed up Netflix show about teenage suicide, she tries to call Homer and Marge for a pick-up.

Too bad the reception out at sea is so bad.  Also, Homer ruins the cruise when he thinks the lead singer for the band is hitting on Marge (he isn’t), and then Homer causes the band to loose its playlist, knocks the amps overboard, and then the booze as well.

The only thing that keeps the other passengers from killing Homer is the fact Homer points out how disappointing everyone’s marriage must be if this cruise was needed to save it.  No one argues with that and everyone stays in love, I guess.

But what will Lisa do?  She tries calling Grampa, but Grampa is asleep.  Bart answers.  And while Bart is quick to point out that Lisa severed the sibling bond, Lisa appeals to his feelings since the other girls are making Lisa cry.

And it turns out, Bart does care.  He calls a Lyft driven by Principal Skinner and goes right out there.  Does he take Lisa away?  No.  He goes there to help Lisa learn how to get revenge so this sort of thing never happens again.

And Lisa goes for it, dipping the sleeping girls’ pigtails in hoof polish, making their hair stiff and brittle.  Such that when the girls are woken up by Marge finally returning Lisa’s call, they fall over, their hair shatters, and all four are left with Lisa’s style.

So, after a chase where we learn Bart fears horses, Lisa appeals to Addy’s better side and they pull a safety cord, leaving the other three girls trapped on the ground in inflated vests.

So, that’s…sweet?

And then Weezer played, but it turned out the members of the band also played the cruise’s band.  So, really, they played themselves playing the Simpsons theme, but they only spoke while playing people who weren’t themselves.

Meanwhile, I wonder if its worth it to learn who some of those guest stars are.

Probably not.

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