Wait, was this…another good episode? I mean, it isn’t a great episode, but it was a rather good one.
At this stage in the game, I am as surprised as you are, and you are probably Greg.
Yes, most of the episode focuses on a true crime TV documentary show Dateline: Springfield as it investigates the true crime of…who stole Lisa’s college fund?!?
The college fund was roughly $650 in a cleanser can under the kitchen sink, enough to get Lisa about three weeks somewhere without a meal plan. Marge put leftover cash there all the time whenever she had anything left over from the grocery shopping and knowing full well the Simpson men would never look in a cleanser can. So, who stole the money the smooth-talking documentary host voiced by guest star Liev Schreiber wants to know?
Our host looks at the suspects after explaining the crime. There was Homer and Marge, high school sweethearts. Homer loved how Marge saved him from having a dateless prom (he sorta did have one), and Marge loved how Homer saved her from having to live with her sisters (cue Patty and Selma who, we are told, are currently suing Weight Watchers). Sure, not all of the residents of Springfield seem helpful to the show. Marge keeps insisting none of the family could have stolen the money despite the fact they were the only ones likely to have done so. Mr. Burns is named as a suspect and then abandoned just because, and Grampa can’t offer any useful information since his own insane ramblings drove guest star Ken Burns into retirement and psychotherapy. Plus, Chief Wiggum can’t find anything, but that is true about every crime. So, who are the suspects?
First up: Marge.
Why? She has a gambling problem. And Helen Lovejoy is more than happy to repeat that, but casino surveillance shows Marge was in the casino but she opted not to gamble anyway.
Homer owes Moe quite the bar tab, and though there is a good deal of evidence that Homer came home drunk and hungry the night before the missing money was probably taken, how did Homer clean up the spaghetti sauce mess he made without finding the cleanser and then finding the money. Except during the clean-up, Homer managed to butt-dial Disco Stu and the resulting voicemail showed Homer cleaned the kitchen by licking the walls clean. Plus, forensics on his sauce-stained pants easily cleared him.
How about Bart?
Bart is a little disappointed he wasn’t approached sooner, but it turns out he did know about the money and he took it. Why? He was making slime for the kids, but he sold it for a profit, then returned all the money with evidence of himself returning the money. He’s in the clear.
Isn’t that money for Lisa anyway? Never mind. She wants a new saxophone, and music store owner King Toot (guest star Will Forte) has an expensive model for her. She does try it out (for a very long time), but ultimately doesn’t buy it. Krusty does to try and impress his dead father on videotape. But even then Jackie Mason’s Rabbi Krustofski is disappointed.
So, who took the money? The documentary crew never find out, and then they only leave when Homer threatens to stop watching as the last man to watch live TV, commercials and all. And then it turns out Marge had taken the money to start a small business, selling attachable coasters to drinks to prevent table damage. Homer is initially overjoyed to finally not be the one who did wrong, but then Marge explains she did it because he has such a colorful, adventure-filled life, and she has nothing, so he keeps it secret from the rest of the family by saying rats ate the money. That was sweet if logistically unlikely.
And the narrator broke a vocal cords, requiring a transplant from a sheep. Have you ever wants to hear Liev Schreiber bleat like a sheep? Well, I know what that sounds like now, so there’s that.