Gabbing Game of Thrones: Ranking the Many Kings & Queens (Spoilers)

We are days away from the final season of Game of Thrones; one of the greatest shows of all-time!  In preparation for the season premiere on April 14th, we are looking back at the first seven seasons and making lists about…everything!

Today, we are looking at the many people who named themselves King or Queen and how strong they were at the Game..

Here we go!

Ranking the Many Kings & Queens

15. Xaro Xhoan Daxos

Length of Reign: He was the king of the city of Qarth for like a day or so…

Strength in the Game: Weak sauce.  This guy killed his business partners.  It’s not like he sacked King’s Landing.

Where are They Now?:  His rotten skeleton is locked in his empty vault with Daenerys’ unfaithful handmaiden.

Right to Rule:  Zero.  Xaro was pretty much the Bernie Madoff of the free cities.

14. Balon Greyjoy

Length of Reign: He was the King of the Iron Islands for a couple of years.

Strength in the Game:  None.  He was only allowed to remain king because other players didn’t really care about the Iron Islands.

Where are They Now?: His own brother tossed him off the rope bridge.

Right to Rule:  He was weak, but to be fair, he WAS elected by his fellow reavers; so it was slightly democratic…

13. Renly Baratheon

Length of Reign:  He was the disputed king for less than a year.

Strength in the Game:  He had allies because he was popular… and wasn’t Stannis or Tywin.

Where are They Now?:  Killed by Stannis and the Red Women using blood magic.

Right to Rule:  None.  Though he was a nice guy, he was definitely behind Stannis in the claim.

12. Viserys Targaryen

Length of Reign:  He was in exile in the East most of his life.

Strength in the Game:  He had no Game, just a name.

Where are They Now?:  In the Dothraki Sea, with a molten crown of gold covering his head.

Right to Rule: Honestly, he had pretty legitimate claim on the Throne; probably as much as anyone in the series other than Robert Baratheon and Jon Snow.

11. Joffrey Baratheon

Length of Reign:  He never really ruled all Seven Kingdoms, but he had about five for a couple of years.

Strength in the Game:  His only strength, other than super cruelty, was the false idea that his father had been the rightful king.

Where are They Now?: He dead.  He was poisoned by Littlefinger and The Queen of Thorns at his own wedding with a brutal drug called the Strangler.

Right to Rule:  As far as HE knew, he was the rightful king of the Seven Kingdoms.  He didn’t know his parents were brother and sister.

10. Euron Greyjoy

Length of Reign:  Like his brother Balon, he is only the King of the Iron Islands; elected even after confessing to killing Balon.

Strength in the Game: He’s crazy, but he has a game plan.  He plans to use his fleet and his “Big Cock” to land him a Queen.

Where are They Now?: He’s still in the Game.  He is somewhat close to putting “a finger in the bum” of Cersei.  Until then, he’s ferrying the Golden Company to Westeros.

Right to Rule:  If you acknowledge self-rule of the Iron Islands, he WAS elected in the closest thing to monarchy democracy we’ve seen in Westeros…

9. Stannis Baratheon

Length of Reign: He never really rules anything but Dragonstone and Castle Black, but he’s in the Game for four seasons.

Strength in the Game:  He was a great military commander, but he was always undermanned because no one favored him in the War of the Five Kings.

Where are They Now?: Dead.  Executed by Brienne after a spectacular loss to the Boltons at Winterfell.

Right to Rule: Stannis was the rightful heir to his older brother Robert Baratheon.  Ned Stark died because he believed that.  Unless you support the Targayen claims, he WAS king…

8. Tommen Baratheon

Length of Reign: He was the King of much of Westeros for a couple of years of tacit peace.

Strength in the Game:  Zero strength.  He was always a pawn in the game of either Tywin, Cersei, or the High Sparrow.

Where are They Now?:  After his mom killed his new family and destroyed the religion to which he was passionately devoted, he jumped out of the window of his tower.

Right to Rule:  Like Joffrey, he believed he was the King.

7. Robb Stark

Length of Reign: He was the King of the North for a brief time.

Strength in the Game:  Weak.  He was a good military mind, but he was crap at making alliances or keeping his bannerman from fleeing.

Where are They Now?:  He was killed by one of his own men at his uncle’s wedding.

Right to Rule:  He was proclaimed King by the men who had known him his whole life.  With a lack of legitimacy in King’s Landing, why shouldn’t the North enjoy self-rule?

6. Cersei Lannister

Length of Reign:  She’s been the first Queen of Westeros for the last season.

Strength in the Game:  She’s an A-player.  She went from the Dowager Queen to head of at least three Kingdoms because she destroys her enemies in a manner Tywin didn’t even employ.

Where are They Now?:  She’s still in the game; plotting against Daenerys and Jon, while pretending to accept an armistice.

Right to Rule:  I have to say she has a claim.  If Robert can take the Throne from The Mad King by might, why can’t Cersei?  She killed everyone in King’s Landing who can oppose her, so I tip my hat to her.  But can she keep it?

5. Robert Baratheon

Length of Reign:  Robert had been King for going on two decades when he died.

Strength in the Game:  Robert was the last king who had a strong hold on all of Westeros. He wasn’t a good king, but he wasn’t a cruel king.

Where are They Now?: Robert died from a boar wound when his squire, Lancel Lannister, drugged his wine.

Right to Rule:  He was the last unchallenged king of the realm (Viserys’ prattling not withstanding).  Robert raised his banners, declared revolt on the Mad King, and killed him and his son.  He took the throne through a generally accepted means.

4. Jon Snow

Length of Reign:  He was recently declared the King in the North by his bannermen.

Strength in the Game:  He has been a player for a while.  He has rallied or defeated everyone he has come across.

Where are They Now?:  He is currently “bending the knee” with his aunt Daenerys.  If you know what I mean…

Right to Rule: Why not?  He didn’t ask for it. Lady Lyanna just kind of appointed him.  And I ain’t going against her.  Plus, he’s kind of the rightful heir to all of Westeros as the legitimate child to Rhaegar and Lyanna.

3. Mance Rayder

Length of Reign:  He had been gathering the tribes of the Freefolk for 20 years in anticipation of Winter Coming.

Strength in the Game:  He rallied an army of 100,000 people who all hated each others guts and built the bridge for Jon to fight the Great War.

Where are They Now?:  Stannis, wanting King’s blood, burned him at the stake before Jon put an arrow of Mercy into his heart.

Right to Rule:  Strong. He was chosen by ALL the tribes of the Freefolk, and they never agree on anything.

2. Daenerys Targaryen

Length of Reign:  She started as the Khaleesi of her Dothraki hoard years ago, and built up her empire along the way by freeing slaves and inspiring them to fight for her.

Strength in the Game:  She has two dragons, the Unsullied, the Dothraki, and now Jon Snow’s support.  Pretty tough!

Where are They Now?:  Headed North in a ship, with Jon Snow in her cabin, and….um…winter is coming…

Right to Rule:  She’s got a good claim.  She is a Targaryan, and she is wiping out her enemies along the way.  Plus, bonus points for wanting to break the wheel.

1. The Night King

Length of Reign:  He’s been around for a LONG time…

Strength in the Game:  He has maybe a million people and gathers more every time someone dies.  Plus…he is the only other player that has a dragon.

Where are They Now?:  He just breached the Wall and is heading into Westeros with his army of the dead.

Right to Rule:  He is a force of nature and WILL rule if Daenerys and Jon don’t stop him in Season 8!

BONUS PREDICTION:  Who will rule the Seven Kingdoms?

Iron Throne:  Co-rule under Jon and Daenerys; the Targaryan dynasty returns.

Dragonstone: Arya Stark; seat of the defacto heir to the Iron Throne unless an heir is born.

Storms End:  Brienne of Tarth; the Sapphire Islands is part of the old Baratheon stronghold.

Dorne: One of Doran’s other children not introduced here; in the books Adrienne was a POV character.

Riverlands:  Edmure Tully; surely Arya freed her uncle after killing the Freys

Vale:  Lord Royce; because hopefully someone makes Robin fly out his beloved Moon Door.

The North:  Sansa Stark; with Jon gone, Sansa gets her rightfully seat.

Casterly Rock: Tyrion Lannister; he finally gets what he deserves, but also serves as the Hand.

The Reach:  Bronn; he finally gets his FOOCKING castle!

Pyke:  Yara; girl power spreads across Westeros.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: