Geek Review: Venom

There’s been a lot of derision aimed at Venom in the Gabbing Geek home office based just off the trailers.

Well, the movie is out now.  Can you make a good Venom movie without Spider-Man?

Theoretically, sure.  Venom as a character lends itself well to body horror and other nasty potential horror movie concepts that would work well in a feature film.  It could even be theoretically possible to do so without Spider-Man.  But I’m going to be blunt here.

This movie sucks.

Everything about this movie sucks aside from one of the post-credits scenes, and if you see them, you’ll know which one I am referring to and why I would say that.

There is nothing competent about this movie.

The direction sucks.

The pacing sucks.

Do I expect too much from the director of Zombieland?

The script sucks.

The acting sucks.

How the hell do you get a bad performance out of Michelle Williams?

Tom Hardy’s weird accent, though not the worst American accent attempted by English actors I have ever heard thanks to Doctor Who, sucks.

The tone sucks.

The rap song by Eminem over the closing credits sucks,

Yes, that exists.

The bad guy sucks.

The good guy sucks.

The special effects are passable at best.

The “man has no control over his own body thanks to whatever is providing the voice in his head” was done better in the low budget Upgrade.

One or two lines got a laugh out of the audience, but that maybe counts for something to some people.  Not me.

The action scenes were often incomprehensible.

Basically, this movie really, really sucks.

I may have something to rival The 15:17 to Paris for my worst movie of the year.

I rarely go below a 6 on a rating because a 6 is failure, but for this, I am willing to say 3 out of 10 “I wish I had seen more of what I liked in the post credits scene than I did.”

You’ve been warned.

5 thoughts on “Geek Review: Venom

    1. Truthfully, I’ve never seen it (which means I suspect I know what you and I will be doing with it at some point in the near future), but my comment mostly relates to the idea he’s an odd choice to direct a big budget superhero movie.

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