The Westeros Watch Part Thirty-Two

We’re a day late this time around, largely because it took an extra day to get Jimmy to stop bouncing around chanting “loot train!” over and over again.

Well, he calmed down enough to talk about the episodes “The Queen’s Justice” and “The Spoils of War” with Tom.

tomk:  So…Dany and Jon…

Say, where’s Ghost been lately?

jimmy:  You’re going to start with that and not the death of Jaime Lannister!?!? Who’s surely, most definitely dead.

tomk:  Look, just because a heavily-armored man fell into a deep pool of water doesn’t mean he’s dead!

jimmy:  Are you sure?

tomk:  Sure. Simple narrative convenience.

jimmy:  Well, it’s Bronn’s fault anyway for saving him in the first place.

tomk:  Bronn needs his payment.

jimmy:  That’s true. Another epic battle set piece.

tomk:  And that was just one dragon and a Dothraki horde finally doing something.

jimmy:  Well, someone had to. The Unsullied are all just chilling at Casterly Rock.

tomk:  Hey, you finally saw Casterly Rock and Highgraden. That must mean something.

jimmy:  It means they’ve been put out of their misery. 🙂

tomk:  Eh, Casterly Rock won’t be held for long.

jimmy:  And also that Cersei is a better strategist than Tyrion.

tomk:  Or, more accurately, Jaime is.

jimmy:  Right. Which he learned from watching Robb Stark.

tomk:  It worked, didn’t it?

jimmy:  It sure did. Dany isn’t having much luck so far in Westeros.

tomk:  Well, she took good advice from Jon.

He does know tactics.

jimmy:  It took her a long time to accept it though.

tomk:  She still wants him to bend the knee.

jimmy:  And he still doesn’t want to.

tomk:  Maybe he won’t have to if he keeps giving good advice.

jimmy:  Or Dany gets herself killed riding around on Drogon.

tomk:  Why? Because Qyburn’s invention almost worked?

jimmy:  That, and that it only takes one stray arrow to take her out.

tomk:  Dragons need riders in these sorts of situations.

jimmy:  And not like there is a line of people who can ride them.

tomk:  They don’t even like most people if it isn’t a barbecue.

jimmy:  And they’ll turn those people into barbecue.

tomk:  Goes without saying.

I’m guessing you were impressed by the loot train battle. Call it a hunch.

jimmy:  Very awesome.

tomk:  The producers called it the first big battle sequence with a major character on each side.

jimmy:  Hmmm…really? Trying to think of another. I guess Tyrion vs Stannis doesn’t count.

Or Jon vs Forking Ramsay?

tomk:  How about characters we like?

Stannis was never likable. Davos and Tormund weren’t right away, though Davos had more potential. Arguably, the main characters are Jon, Dany, and the Lannister kids.

jimmy:  Right. So two characters we didn’t want to see die. As opposed to being indifferent to Stannis and hating Ramsay.

tomk:  More or less. Besides, Jaime wasn’t having much luck on that trip anyway.

jimmy:  And he had just learned the truth about Joffrey’s death.

tomk:  As the producers said, Jaime finally killed an enemy and the Queen of Thorns still owned his ass.

jimmy:  She went out the way she lived.

tomk:  Owning everyone?

jimmy:  Damn right.

tomk:  Jaime sure looks like the biggest sucker in Westeros.

Another potential sucker: Littlefinger for trying to sweet talk the all-knowing Three-Eyed Raven.

jimmy:  The Artist Formally Known As Brandon Stark.

tomk:  He’s so happy to see nobody.

jimmy:  He’s more “no one” than Arya could ever wish to be. Or not be. Or something. Or is that he’s everyone? I don’t know. He’s creeping everyone out though.

tomk:  Even you?

jimmy:  Nah.

tomk:  Well, he knows about Sansa’s suffering, Arya’s list, Littlefinger’s private conversations, Cersei’s O-face, where Cat used to stash the cookies, and what sort of antler wax the Moose uses. Nothing creepy there.

So, if you were Sansa, who creeps you out more: Bran or Arya?

jimmy:  Hmm. That’s a good question. Definitely Arya. But definitely Bran.

tomk:  Just because you can dodge Brienne or you watched your sister’s wedding night from far away is no reason to be creeped out.

jimmy:  In your face, Littlefinger!

tomk:  And yet, he stays in Winterfell.

But how many times will Arya be stopped at a gate by guards who don’t recognize her?

jimmy:  Well, she is no one.

tomk:  She’d have a hard time getting into any place with a velvet rope where you need to have your name on a list.

So, what’s Littlefinger’s game at this point? Is he finally in over his head?

jimmy:  Do we ever know what Littlefinger’s game is?

tomk:  Not really. “Chaos is a ladder,” is the closest he’s come to saying what his personal goals are. He gains power by causing it. It just won’t work on Bran now.

Sansa and Arya? That’s a different story.

jimmy:  Arya the ass kicker.

tomk:  She picked up some other skills too.

Sansa learned a little too much from Cersei and Littlefinger, but Jon and Dany both learned one thing Cersei didn’t: don’t surround yourself with yes men.

jimmy:  Good point. The likes of Tyrion and Davos aren’t known for not speaking their minds.

tomk:  Both men have offered good advice that, when listened to, has curbed bad impulses from their bosses (Dany and Stannis).

Davos is basically a moral man with few pretensions. Tyrion is just really smart, as seen when he gets Jon that dragonglass.

jimmy:  A WHOLE LOT of dragonglass.

tomk:  Certainly more than he had before.

jimmy:  Now if only he could find a cave full of Valarian steel.

tomk:  That stuff is harder to come by.

Of course, supposedly a key ingredient to making more Valarian steel is….dragonfire.

jimmy:  Now, where are they going to find that?

tomk:  King’s Landing?

Essos?

The Summer Isles?

Care-a-lot?

Jenny’s house?

Toronto?

jimmy:  Of that lot, I’d pick Jenny’s house.

tomk:  I’ve been to Jenny’s house. She might have some stashed away somewhere.

jimmy:  So Cersei/Jaime seem to have the upper hand when it comes to strategy, but Dany has the great equalizer:  dragons. Even if her allies are dropping like flies. The final fate of the Sand Snakes is pretty harsh.

tomk:  They all died at the hands of their own weapons (spear, whip, poison).

jimmy:  Clever. Except the mother…who will be alive a long, long time. Or until the end of next season when Cersei is defeated and she is forgotten about and starves to death.

tomk:  But hey…Jon and Dany finally meet.

Dany with her three dozen titles.

Jon…he’s just Jon Snow.

jimmy:  Lol. King in the North!

tomk:  I love that bit. Missandei rattles off all of Dany’s titles, and the Davos just looks around and says, “This is Jon Snow.”

jimmy:  Agreed. Great scene.

“He knows nothing.”

tomk:  Jon doesn’t really know how to deal with a Targaryan.

Too bad he probably is one.

jimmy:  Save it for the podcast!

tomk:  

jimmy:  Wait, that’s not right.

tomk:  Stop Watsoning!

jimmy:  But Jon doesn’t know how to deal with high borns in general, so his awkwardness with Dany is nothing new.

tomk:  Jon was ultimately being very pragmatic.

He needs her help with something. Sure, she says he won’t take the knee out of “pride” but I think it’s more he isn’t sure how the people back home would take it.

There was a near riot when all he said was he was going to see her.

jimmy:  I agree with that. He might have said as much, but I can’t remember.

tomk:  He did not.

He has enough problems.

Like meeting Theon on the beach.

jimmy:  Poor, poor Theon.

tomk:  He brought some of that on himself.

jimmy:  Maybe a little.

tomk:  And Jon found cave art to back up his claims.

And Tyrion believed him.

And he just missed Melissandre.

jimmy:  Lucky for her.

tomk:  She knows she’ll die in Westeros.

She knows Varys will too.

jimmy:  That’s not much of a prediction though all the same.

tomk:  Yeah, maybe.

Here’s a question: how much more is Jaime gonna take from Cersei?

jimmy:  I think he’s getting close to having had enough.

tomk:  Yeah, but the Queen of Thrones noticed during her EPIC OWNAGE moment, and now Cersei isn’t even concerned enough to shut a door at the right time.

jimmy:  Yeah. She gives zero ducks right now. Ducks? GD Autocorrect!

tomk:  Forking autocorrect!

jimmy:  haha, that’s a better joke. You win!

tomk:  Yes, well, Cersei got all the Tyrell gold to pay back the Iron Bank so she can borrow more money to get some sellsword army.

jimmy:  I found that funny. Here’s the gold to pay off all our debt…oh, and I need to borrow it all back again.

tomk:  This is why we don’t run countries.

jimmy:  I’m working on it.

tomk:  Any country in mind?

jimmy:  Mooseveria?

tomk:  Works for me. Anything else for this pair of episodes?

jimmy:  I don’t think we mentioned Sam and Jorah…but the majority of that occurred last go round. Here we just get confirmation that it worked, Jorah heading off to see Dany…again, (he’s like the cat that came back) and Sam’s “punishment”.

tomk:  His reward was not being evicted.

He probably would have been doing that anyway.

jimmy:  That…may be it?

tomk:  Then maybe we should move on to the next episode which is sure to open with Tyrion in mourning over Jaime’s waterlogged corpse.

jimmy:  I knew it!

And so our Watch continues.  Be back soon for the episodes “Eastwatch” and “Beyond the Wall”.

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