A Series Of Unfortunate Events “The Austere Academy Part 2”

So, why does Carmelita Spats keep calling all the orphans she knows a “cake sniffer” as if that is some horrid insult?

Well, because as one Jacques Snickett suggests, it takes one to know one, and sniffing cakes late at night is her secret shame.

Also, that kid is awful.

But who is Jacques Snickett?  He’s the heroic, dashing cab driver brother of Lemony Snickett.  He seems like a real hero, which means he won’t get squat done to help the Baudelaires in the end, but he’ll look good trying.  And he might encourage the librarian at Prufrock Prep (where a dead horse is their mascot because you can’t beat one) to help him.  Lemony says she’ll meet a bad end, and she doesn’t in this episode.

Who does meet a bad end?  Actually, nobody this time around.  Jacques rescues Larry from the freezer, Count Olaf is found out after a rather weird plan involving sleep deprivation of the Baudelaires, and no one actually gets killed.  OK, there is one down note, but that’s not too bad for this series.

See, after the Baudelaires try and once again fail to prove that the new gym teacher at Prufrock is Count Olaf (he managed to fool the computer system somehow), he has them running laps at night while dragging some luminescent powder.  Um, why?  Well, by preventing the kids from getting any sleep, it means they might flunk out of Prufrock and then they’d need to be homeschooled.  Three guesses who’d do that.

Man, gym teachers are powerful at this place if they can have the library shut down too.

Will the Baudelaires flunk out?  Will Sunny’s secretarial work suffer?  Well, no.  There’s some help from the Quagmires.  They disguises themselves as Klaus and Violet, pulling a bag of flour behind them to represent Sunny, and in the dark that mostly works until the string for the flour bag breaks and Count Olaf gives the “baby” a “kick”.  Well, no quotations marks on the kick.  He does kick it.  He’d kick a baby?  Of course he would.

As it is, the plan worked.  The Baudelaires studied all night and manage pass all the tests, even the phys ed test of beating the gym teacher at arm wrestling.  It seems that test alone is worth 51% of the grade, and that was how Count Olaf got expelled from the school himself.  The kids manage to beat him, he loses his shoe thanks to Sunny’s unknotting skills, and everyone sees the incriminating tattoo.  Then he makes a run for it.  Too bad the Baudelaires are in such great shape from all the running they were doing.

As it is, they also got the book The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations.  The Quagmires had found it in the library and were using the spyglass like a flashlight, reading it and learning all kinds of neat stuff.  But then they got caught by Olaf’s henchmen, and Olaf and his troop kidnapped the Quagmires as they took off.

See, it did have one down note.

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