This particular episode opens with an alternate opening credits that shows all the Simpsons except for Bart getting killed on the way home, leading to Bart doing a couch gag by himself. He doesn’t mind.
Man, that is cold.
But our real story begins with Homer not assembling various pieces of furniture. Given the option of that or taking Bart to the mall for a fitting, Homer soon grabs his electric drill and inhales an allen wrench…not for the first time apparently. Stuck, he calls Barney, who recommends an app called “Chore Monkey” where you can hire people to do basic tasks for you. Homer knows he is going to abuse this service.
He then proceeds to abuse this service. They build his furniture, clean the house, fix up the yard, get into fistfights for Homer’s enjoyment, and get rid of Ned Flanders and Patty and Selma. Marge would object, but Homer also got one that was an FBI hostage negotiator to calm her down. At the end of the show, this man will break trying to get Maggie to drop her pacifier.
But this all leads to a crisis for the Simpson men when Homer hires a fellow (guest star Matt Leinart, who apparently was some sort of football player) to toss a football around with Bart. How does that go?
See, Homer feels left out, and he also doesn’t care for Bart’s usual disrespect. Even getting another kid from Chore Monkey didn’t help, and it really didn’t help when Homer realized the people at Chore Monkey were charging his credit card. With Bart preferring Leinart, Homer tries to get Marge to talk to Bart through Lisa, but Marge and Lisa aren’t talking to each other either right now because Marge tossed all of Lisa’s Ute Readers. Eventually, Homer finds another boy to bond with: Milhouse.
Does that seem wrong to anyone else?
Bart soon realizes Leinart has been letting him win at everything, and then Leinart gets called away to a new job: bouncer at Moe’s. But that involves tossing people into the bar, not out. Ralph Wiggum liked that. As such, Bart looks for a new father figure and gets one in…Kirk VanHouten? Seriously? The highlight of Kirk’s life is being seen with Bart.
Does this seem wrong to anyone else?
Yeah, Grampa is involved too. Homer tries going to his father for advice, and Grampa has his own problems: he knocked up his somewhat younger girlfriend, and the best relationship he’s ever had is with his hat (and then the wind blew it away). Grampa even shows the woman what the results of his DNA ends up as Homer gets caught in some blinds, but the woman finds Homer cute and lets him play with her keys. Grampa isn’t sure what to do until he sees Homer with Milhouse, thinks Milhouse is Bart, and decides to be a good father to his upcoming baby for what little time he has left.
Does that seem wrong to anyone else? Actually, this one seems OK.
So, how does it all play out? Homer, Kirk, Bart, and Milhouse all go to Itchy and Scratchy Land, Bart gets injured, and Homer leaps to his aid. Then Milhouse confesses Kirk is the best guy Luann ever brought home, and both sets of father and son are reconciled. As for Grampa, the ultrasound shows the baby has a huge beard, meaning Jasper is the father, so he’s off the hook and even gets his hat back.
Does that seem like a happy ending to anyone else?