The Westeros Watch Part Twenty-Seven

Jimmy and Tom are still hanging around Westeros.  What did they see fit to discuss in the season six episodes “Oathbreaker” and “The Book of the Stranger”?  Read on to find out…

tomk:  Well, say what you will about Jon…he don’t mess around.

jimmy:  Hey, if I came back from the dead and found the people who were not only my murderers by mutineers to the Night’s Watch, I wouldn’t mess around either.

tomk:  It does suck a bit when you kill a guy and he comes back to testify against you.

jimmy:  Not for the guy that comes back.

tomk:  Just don’t commit homicide around a Red Woman.

jimmy:  Though she was more surprised than anyone that it worked.

tomk:  Anyone except Ghost.

I’ll say this much: Jon found a good loophole to his Night’s Watch oath.

jimmy:  Not like anyone was in a position to exploit it before.

tomk:  Jon lives such a charmed life. Sort of.

jimmy:  Based on what we’ve seen, the Oath seems to be more of a suggestion anyway.

tomk:  Well, if you don’t enforce them rules…

jimmy:  But Jon’s still around…thanks to Sansa.

tomk:  Yeah…the two Starks who spent no time together before.

jimmy:  They’re pretty happy to see each other now though.

tomk:  At the time Sansa gets there, she’s probably thinking Jon is the only family she has left…aside from Robin Arryn.

Let’s see…her parents and Robb are dead. Arya disappeared. She knows Bran and Rickon are out there somewhere thanks to Theon, but they might also be dead somewhere.

Jon? She knows exactly where Jon is. Good thing she didn’t get there while he was dead.

By the by, the producers make a comment about how they did this in part because Jon and Sansa didn’t share any scenes up to that point, which isn’t precisely true.

Photo captioned “Stark Death Theory”

Jon is standing behind the others.

jimmy:  They had some in season one right?

tomk:  They were in that one scene. Jon has no lines. We saw him talk to Robb, Bran, Arya, Ned, and Catelyn. And the only one he didn’t seem to get along with was Cat.

If anything, Arya adored him and Robb treated him like a true brother.

jimmy:  No surprise there. What is this “Starks Death Theory”?

tomk:  Just where I pulled the pic from. Let me take a look.

OK, it has a spoiler for later in this season, but the death theory seems to be the Starks Robert came into physical contact with all met violent ends.

jimmy:  Robert. shakes head

tomk:  He had problems. But no, he shook Robb’s hand, hugged Ned, gave Cat a peck on the cheek, and so forth.

jimmy:  At least they know where Rickon is now.

tomk:  And…same actor as before!

They recast Tommen and Myrcella, but keep the same Rickon!

jimmy:  He aged enough for their liking I guess.

tomk:  Well, he doesn’t seem to have much to say right now.

And Ramsay gets yet another Stark.

Say, did you know episode nine this season is titled “Battle of the Bastards”?

jimmy:  I do now.

Sad to see Osha go though.

tomk:  You can only use the same tricks for so long on this show.

jimmy:  Especially against a master of dickery like Forking Ramsay.

tomk:  So, who do you hate more at this point…Ramsay or the Waif?

jimmy:  Ramsay, easily.

And another direwolf bites the dust.

tomk:  Ramsay didn’t do that. Lord Umber did.

Poor Shaggydog…

jimmy:  Oh, I know. I’m just saying.

tomk:  But we can still point out this sort of thing happens when the Warden of the North is Forking Ramsay.

jimmy:  You know Ramsay would have given the chance.

tomk:  Probably. He prefers killing two legged things.

Say, what happened to the dogs he sent after Sansa and Theon?

jimmy:  Still probably down by the river looking for their scent.

tomk:  Well, Brienne and Pod killed the men with those dogs. The dogs just disappeared.

jimmy:  They probably got the hell out of there while they had the chance.

tomk:  Dogs are smarter than some people.

jimmy:  Some?

tomk:  Cat owners, mostly.

jimmy:  I’m not touching that one.

tomk:  Just as well. My cat gave me a dirty look after I typed that. I think she’s on to me.

But man, Ramsay made Jon mad. Jon wanted out of all the violence. This will not end well for someone.

jimmy:  You won’t like Jon when he’s angry.

tomk:  Or Sansa.

And heaven protect you from an enraged Rickon.

jimmy:  Uh,,,yeah…he’s gonna do some damage…

tomk:  Wait and see!

jimmy:  I’m not getting my hopes up.

tomk:  There’s still Cousin Robin’s berserker rage.

jimmy:  You won’t like Robin when he’s…ah, I can’t even finish that. At least the little shit is doing some archery lessons. And seems a tad less crazy without his mother around. Even though he is completely under Littlefinger’s thumb.

tomk:  And he still couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag.

jimmy:  Very true. But he has “power” as Lord of the Vale.

tomk:  And an unstable one at that.

jimmy:  No doubt.

tomk:  But if separating the Starks led to their downfall, what does reuniting them mean?

jimmy:  Uprising?

tomk:  Well, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Or as Forking Ramsay might say in a nasty letter, “Come and see.”

jimmy:  At least Jon is on the case now to reacquire Winterfell.

tomk:  Yeah. And he has 2,000 Wildlings, one giant, and whoever Sansa and Davos can bring along.

Ramsay has his 5,000 plus the Karstarks and the Umbers.

jimmy:  I’m good with math and that doesn’t add up to be very good for Jon.

tomk:  Jon will have to go for the minor houses.

jimmy:  Brienne and Pod should help. Well, Brienne anyway.

tomk:  Between Jon, Brienne, Wun-Wun and someone Jon meets in the next two episodes or so, he might not need anyone else.

jimmy:  Hot Pie returns!

tomk:  Um, no. Someone the fans found much more awesome, but related to someone else you know.

Meanwhile, nothing is happening in Dorne.

jimmy:  You just can’t stand Dorne can you?

tomk:  It was ultimately a waste that was pretty cool in the book. Spend all that time there and then forget about the place? Why bother including it? At least the Iron Islands had some impact on the rest of the story.

jimmy:  And Theon has made it home finally.

tomk:  Maybe they saved the bits Ramsay mailed there.

jimmy:  Qyburn might be able to reattach it.

tomk:  Yeah, I’d pass on that.

Theon might too since he’s backing Yara for leadership.

jimmy:  She’s better suited anyway.

tomk:  He knows it too. And nothing bonds the Greyjoy sibs more than acknowledging one’s shortcomings.

jimmy:  And Theon has a big shortcoming now.

tomk:  That goes without saying. Because if you do say it, he starts crying.

jimmy:  I’m sure everything will work out for him from here on out.

tomk:  Like it has for everybody else so far, like Tommen or Loras or Arya.

jimmy:  As much as I hate Iron Fist, Loras is getting a raw deal.

tomk:  He’s not Iron Fist here! He’s a victim of extreme religious homophobia!

jimmy:  I hate those guys.

tomk:  I’m sure things will get better for Loras and Margaery. After all, Tommen is on the case. And as long as he doesn’t do something stupid like take the High Sparrow as his new spiritual mentor or say out loud he’s the king because Tywin once told Joffrey anyone who has to say he’s king is no king, then everything should work out.

jimmy:  Or the Tyrell army will have them out of there by next episode.

tomk:  There are true masters of subtly like Cersei and Lady Olenna working on the problem as we speak, er, watch.
If the Mountain can sneak his potentially undead ass around King’s Landing to kill one drunken flasher, I am sure they could get the Queen and her brother out of the Sept of Baelor without any trouble.

jimmy:  You’d think.

I assume this storyline (variations aside) has not been resolved in the books?

tomk:  It has not, but Loras was never locked up there and Margaery was probably getting out since Cersei got her arrested under a false claim of adultery.

jimmy:  Man, Tommen is useless. Not that I can really fault him, given his age.

tomk:  Or his options. What’s left? Mass killing?

jimmy:  I don’t know. But are you telling me that Robert or even Joffrey would have left their wife and mother in prison?

tomk:  Neither of them would probably have put the High Sparrow in charge or allowed him to revive the Faith Militant if you ask me. And you did.

jimmy:  Heh. Exactly. I rest my case. Or something.

tomk:  If Robert or Joffrey wanted someone taken out, they wouldn’t have assumed they could just manipulate someone into doing it for them. They would have just had someone take care of it or do it themselves. This happened because Cersei thought she was clever.

jimmy:  Cersei. Grrr.

tomk:  Do you hate her or the Waif more?

jimmy:  You have to hate Cersei more.

tomk:  And Ramsay?

jimmy:  I hate Ramsay more. I think, for me, it probably goes by levels of cruelness.

tomk:  I see. So who do you like? Dany?

jimmy:  Sure. (I’m sensing a trap…)

tomk:  She did good this time. It’s only a trap for the Khals.

jimmy:  That whole scene and her emergence from the flames was awesome.

tomk:  And not just for the Watson-approved reason.

jimmy:  Well, that doesn’t hurt…but not just that, no.

tomk:  Do not threaten a fireproof woman in a flammable tent.

jimmy:  Heh. She’s been warning them for several episodes not to piss her off.

tomk:  She does best when she appears powerless.

Speaking of threats…flashback to Young Ned.

jimmy:  I like these flashbacks. Especially since they seem to reveal that everything is not as it may seem, especially for noble Eddard. And the fact that he might have heard Bran on his way to the tower.

tomk:  Yeah, well, that scenario is something we sort of know about: Ned and Howland (father of Meera and Jojen) Reed fought through some of the Kingsguard at the Tower of Joy in Dorne in an attempt to rescue Lyanna Stark, but she was dying and had Ned make an as-yet unknown promise of some kind.

jimmy:  I think the story that Bran heard was a lot more glorious than Ned winning because Howland stabbed the guy in the back.

tomk:  Ser Arthur Dayne, perhaps the finest swordsman in the history of the Kingsguard.

jimmy:  It didn’t help him in the end.

tomk:  Well, no. But why did Ned tell the story as he did? Was he hoping his kids would be better people? Was he too ashamed of how it went down? Did he want to fight in the first place?

jimmy:  I think he was a bit embarrassed.

tomk:  He was almost killed otherwise. And we know Ned didn’t like to fight if he didn’t have to.

jimmy:  He was there for his sister.

tomk:  Yes, but look how the scene started. He told Dayne the Mad King and Rhaegar were both dead, so there was no reason to fight.

jimmy:  That’s true.

tomk:  Instead, more dead.

jimmy:  You have seen this show before right?

tomk:  Yes. But Ned hasn’t!

jimmy:  And that’s why his head is on a spike in King’s Landing.

tomk:  Imagine how much easier it would go if these folks could watch their own show.

jimmy:  It would be a short series.

So I know some of this backstory is alluded too or told previously, but is this more fleshed out version in the books?

tomk:  Not really.

jimmy:  That’s what I figured. Is anything from the remaining seasons taken from the books, or have we completely moved on at this point?

tomk:  The Kingsmoot on the Iron Islands and Jaime’s upcoming trip to the Riverlands.

And maybe a bit of Arya’s training, but not much if anything.

jimmy:  Either way, I like the flashbacks. Nice to see more of Ned, even if it isn’t Sean Bean. And it gives Bran’s storyline some needed purpose.

tomk:  Yeah, well, that sure seems to be true. What else happened…Arya’s training, Sam gets seasick, and Tyrion tried to negotiate with terrorists…I mean slavers.

jimmy:  Tyrion has come a long way from being a slave to now “ruler” of Meereen.

tomk:  He’s in familiar territory.

Sort of.

jimmy:  7 years seems like an awfully long time to end slavery.

tomk:  He doesn’t exactly have a good position to negotiate from.

jimmy:  Especially since they’ll probably betray him anyway.

tomk:  That plan would work in Westeros. Plus, Varys found that woman who was helping them.

jimmy:  They’re not in Westeros anymore.

They’ll all be Drogon food when Dany gets back anyway.

tomk:  Then he better hope she gets back to Meereen faster than it took her to go back to Westeros.

jimmy:  Ha ha

tomk:  Still, her “instant freedom” thing was causing all kinds of problems on its own. Maybe a new plan was needed.

jimmy:  That’s why she kept Tyrion around.

tomk:  That and he wouldn’t mind bringing much of his family down.

jimmy:  They do agree on that point.

tomk:  Don’t you?

jimmy:  Well, yeah.

tomk:  But some might not. I’d ask Sam, but he once again has half-baked plans for Gilly between trips to the vomit bucket.

jimmy:  Ms. Impossible can relate. She gets sea sick. I’m more of a Gilly myself.

tomk:  She’s probably prettier than you.

jimmy:  I’m not so sure about that… 8-p

tomk:  Are you sure about mystery drinks from a Faceless Man?

jimmy:  I don’t know if I’d be as brave as Arya.

tomk:  Then you’d still be Blind Jimmy, playing an umbrella for decades because other musicians think it’s too funny to tell you.

jimmy:  Musicians can be so cruel!

tomk:  I’ll bet the Waif plays a zither or something.

jimmy:  The Waif better sleep with one eye open now that Arya can see again.

tomk:  Perhaps. But Arya ain’t done trainin’ yet.

jimmy:  That’s true. I’m sure we’ll see more oyster selling next time.

tomk:  Or something. Was there anything else that caught your eye? Or the Moose’s attention?

jimmy:  The only thing that comes to mind is that we didn’t spend much time on the hanging of the mutineers. But, I guess there’s not a whole lot to say about that.

tomk:  Welllllll, how about Tormund casting some furtive glances at Brienne?

jimmy:  Lol. Yes. She is definitely his kinda woman.

tomk:  Too bad she may prefer Jaime.

jimmy:  Well, that’s probably never going to happen.

tomk:  Probably.

Shall we move on to what may be the saddest episode of the entire series?

jimmy:  Well, with that glowing endorsement how can we not.

tomk:  Easy. We can quit right now.

jimmy:  Like hell.

And so our Watch continues.  Be back soon as Tom and Jimmy cover the episodes “The Door” and “Blood of my Blood”.

tomk74

Defender of the faith, contributing writer, debonair man-about-town.

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