The Westeros Watch Part Twenty-Six

We took last week off to recharge from the devestating sight that was the end of season five.

Well, now Jimmy and Tom are back to start season six of Game of Thrones with a discussion of the episodes “The Red Woman” and “Home”.

tomk:  You know, we’ve been doing this for a while. We should start with a recap for our reader.

jimmy:  Heh. He agrees with you about Dorne.

tomk:  Most fans do.

Besides, we do have other concerns right now for the people of Westeros.

jimmy:  But Jon’s back! Surprise!!!!

tomk:  Yeah, he can be a witness at his own murderers’ trial.

jimmy:  Given what we’ve seen in the past, it probably wouldn’t be much of a trial.

tomk:  Yeah, but this time, there’s a witness that isn’t an angry, fifty foot giant.

By the by…don’t shoot an arrow into an angry, fifty foot giant. That just makes Wun-Wun angrier.

jimmy:  And you won’t like Wun-Wun when he’s angrier.

tomk:  Still, grateful Wildlings sure are handy to have around.

jimmy:  And Thorne is smart enough to know when he’s lost, and not most of them killed.

tomk:  Thorne may have lost but he doesn’t for a second think he was in the wrong. He doesn’t even deny anything.

jimmy:  True. Probably the same for most of the Black. Though they seem to be a fickle bunch except the hard core loyal to Jon.

tomk:  Jon was breaking with centuries of tradition for letting the Wildlings through, even for a good reason.

jimmy:  Like you’ve said, surviving Game of Thrones is all about adapting to change.

Though technologically, it got Jon killed.

tomk:  He didn’t change enough. Or if he did, he didn’t see how many people were against him. Oly was never going to be happy about Jon making nice with Tormund, who led the attack that killed Oly’s family and village.

jimmy:  That little jerk.

He killed Ygritte too.

tomk:  Ygritte killed his father.

Violence begets violence on Game of Thrones. It rarely solves problems.

jimmy:  And I would assume that “BTW, Jon’s alive” was one of the Post-It Notes that GRRM handed over to the writers.

tomk:  Jon is important to the ending. He had to come back. Besides, we still don’t know who his mother was.

jimmy:  Hopefully a better reveal than Rey’s parents.

tomk:  I think it is.

jimmy:  Cool.

Hopefully a better reveal than 400 year old Melisandre.

tomk:  Oh come on! You didn’t see that coming!

jimmy:  I wish I hadn’t seen it at all!

tomk:  Try not to think about how she wasn’t wearing that jewel in the bath when she had that chat with Mrs. Stannis.

jimmy:  It was interesting to see her crisis of faith with being wrong about Stannis and now apparently about Jon. Seems like Martin (if he is still involved with her story at this point) is trying to have her follow a path of redemption and not just being pure evil as she appears for most of the series. I think you said Martin said she was the most misunderstood character in the series.

tomk:  He has.

And she still has crimes to answer for if her role in Shireen’s death comes out.

Or, since this is drama, when it comes out.

jimmy:  Oh, right. Davos will NOT be happy about that!

tomk:  Others too. I’m not sure Jon’s a fan of child immolation.

jimmy:  Well, who is really?

tomk:  People who hate kids?

The Mad King?

jimmy:  Lots of people hate kids. Doesn’t mean they want to set them on fire…well, he might be an exception.

tomk:  There’s always one. It’s why no one has a 0% approval rating.

jimmy:  Though some should.

tomk:  And we can both think of some. But you know some dude is sitting in Westeros right now missing Joffrey and thinking Cersei needs a chance to rule.

jimmy:  Forking Watson.

And definitely not that guy who gets a visit from the Mountain.

tomk:  King’s Landing has a no tolerance policy towards indecent exposure.

jimmy:  Ironically.

tomk:  Well, you know. Now.

That was some detective work that a guy that big could sneak through the city and find the one guy, no doubt Westeros Watson, who dropped his drawers for Cersei.

jimmy:  That’s…a good point. 🙂

tomk:  Now I’m wondering who Westeros Ryan is…

jimmy:  Probably the one at the pub drinking delicious Westeros West Ciders.

tomk:  Or a Maester. Some law-talking guy who gets over enthusiastic about some experiments he was working on.

jimmy:  Oh yeah, Ryan would definitely be a Maester.

And hopefully not one that works for the Boltons

tomk:  That guy served Winterfell. It doesn’t matter who runs it.

Or…nice segue!

jimmy:  Heh.

He gets all the important jobs like birthing unwanted heirs and feeding ex-lovers to dogs.

tomk:  That was the most respectful form of mourning Ramsay knows.

jimmy:  He must have been really mournful this go round since he also mourns his step mother and half brother.

tomk:  No, see, he didn’t wait for them to die first. That’s less respectful.

jimmy:  At least Roose is gone. Not that I want to see Forking Ramsay in charge.

tomk:  Too late. He got the Karstarks on his side too. Thanks a heap, Robb…

jimmy:  Haha

tomk:  Did the Stark men do anything right?

jimmy:  Hmm…no?

tomk:  Bran is probably due for a screw-up soon.

jimmy:  Rickon hasn’t done much either way.

tomk:  Rickon disappeared.

He may be hiding in a Winterfell broom closet.

jimmy:  So he’s in Narnia? No wait. England.

tomk:  Oz. He got stuck in transit.

jimmy: Speaking of Bran…he’s back!

tomk:  And he’s learning stuff!

jimmy:  Like, what Wylis is talkin’ ’bout!

tomk:  You weren’t expecting to see Ned Stark again.

Or maybe Benjen Stark and Old Nan.

And there’s Lyanna Stark!

Still MIA: Brandon Stark, the oldest brother the Mad King killed.

jimmy:  You’re right on all counts!

tomk:  It’s like Bran’s season arc could be titled Game of Thrones Origins: The Starks.

jimmy:  Heh. Don’t tell Ryan!

tomk:  Ryan knows these things. And we did point out last time that there was a real Attack of the Clones vibe. My guess is Stinky Pants Ryan doesn’t read these.

jimmy:  I guarantee it. But even if you hate prequels, it’s nice to get some background here. Especially seeing Hodor in a different light.

tomk:  And since it’s Bran having a vision, it’s not really a flashback.

jimmy:  “Technically”…

tomk:  That’s what the producers say.

jimmy:  It’s just lipstick on a pig really. Whether you want to call it a flashback or not.

tomk:  It is convenient Younger Hodor always seems to step around Bran and the (recast) Three-Eyed Raven.

jimmy:  Max von Sydow!

tomk:  The Exorcist himself!

jimmy:  Excellent choice.

tomk:  It is. And before the season is out, you will learn a lot about the Starks.

jimmy:  I know they bring the babies Tom. No wait…that’s Storks.

tomk:  Let’s not go there, Jimmy.

jimmy:  Heh

But nice to have Bran back, and this new ability to see back in time is VERY intriguing.

tomk:  And, I am sure, useful.

Not useful? Threatening the High Sparrow.

Or having a Dorne plot. What jumped out at you?

jimmy:  Well, as we saw, threatening the High Sparrow won’t get you far.

And people are getting killed left and right in that Dorne plot, do you still find it boring?

tomk:  See, here’s the problem with Dorne: they wasted our time. You won’t see Dorne again until the end of the season, and Prince Doran was a waste of a potentially cool character, killed off before he could show how badass the book version was.

Dorne just feels like filler that ultimately doesn’t matter very much.

jimmy:  It got another Lannister killed at the very least.

tomk:  And what retaliation will Cersei dish out? Nothing anytime soon.

jimmy:  She’s still got pussy-loving Tommen.

tomk:  He wants toughness lessons. Isn’t that scary enough?

jimmy:  He’s not the ruling type. It’s too bad he’s been put in this position. Asking Cersei to help him is surely not going to be good for everyone else.

tomk:  Tommen would be fine in life if he wasn’t king. The things he does show he’s not a bad kid. He just isn’t leadership material.

jimmy:  Exactly. He’s a great kid. And not mature or mentally prepared enough to deal with the likes of the High Sparrow.

tomk:  But no one seems to be. What’s the solution here? Kill who knows how many unarmed members of the church and create a bunch of martyrs? Start a rebellion amongst the smallfolk of King’s Landing?

jimmy:  I don’t know, but the writers better come up with something!

tomk:  I think you’ll eventually see something.

In the meantime, enjoy Jaime not blinking when the High Sparrow issuers some vague threats.

So, what else do we have to cover…there’s the Greyjoys, Arya’s next round of training, and Sansa maybe finally getting some good news.

jimmy:  Euron Greyjoy seems to come out of nowhere to wreck havoc. Was he in the books? If so, was he such a dick?

tomk:  In the books, Balon has three brothers.

Euron is a bit insane.

jimmy:  Just a bit?

tomk:  Victarion is a great sea captain and raider with an axe to grind against Euron.

And Aeron Greyjoy, also known as Damphair, is a religious fanatic to the Drowned God after he almost drowned to death.

All the brothers hate Euron.

But here? Just Euron, fulfilling the last of Stannis’ curse on the usurper kings.

jimmy:  There was that, yes.

tomk:  Man, are there are likable Greyjoys over the age of 35?

jimmy:  It doesn’t look like it. And Yara seems to have her work cut out for her.

tomk:  Well, we get a Kingsmoot.

That’s one of the few things leftover from Martin’s books.

jimmy:  Which would be?

tomk:  How the Iron Islanders chose their king. It isn’t just a matter of inheriting the throne upon a father’s death.

jimmy:  Right, but what is it? Like a Black Panther waterfall dealie?

tomk:  They…vote.

jimmy:  I guess we’ll see.

tomk:  Yes, you will.

Without Aeron and Victarion.

But maybe with Theon!

jimmy:  Maybe! Well…90% of Theon anyway.

tomk:  They already mailed the rest ahead of him.

jimmy:  Haha, true. But his mind will never return fully.

tomk:  Enough came back.

jimmy:  I guess we’ll see.

tomk:  So, I think that leaves the Stark sisters. Let’s hit Arya next. Sansa actually has some hope, so let’s end on a happier note.

jimmy:  Arya “Matt Murdock” Stark.

tomk:  Well, she won’t be a blind beggar forever.

And look, the Waif is still making you mad!

jimmy:  Grrr…that Waif!

tomk:  Maybe she’ll get what’s coming to her.

Or she’ll kill Arya because she hates her for some reason.

jimmy:  I guess she sees her as a threat or undeserving to be one of the Faceless Men. I’m not sure it is every really explained.

tomk:  Maybe she’s just awful.

jimmy:  Or that.

tomk:  But Arya is back. She probably picked up some blind fighting while begging in the streets.

jimmy:  I’m sure the experience will help her in the long run, but it was still depressing.

tomk:  Won’t that make her eventual triumph all the better?

We’re running out of show by now. If our heroes are going to win anything, they’ll be starting to soon.

jimmy:  Speaking of winning, at least Sansa got away from Forking Ramsay.

tomk:  She got some help, too.

Good help for a change.

Even Pod took a guy out.

jimmy:  Pod better not die a horrible death any time soon.

tomk:  Pod is the guy you most want to live?

jimmy:  Not most, but he’s the type of guy the audience grows to love and then his head ends up on a post.

tomk:  Well, we’ll see.

jimmy:  And we almost found out except for Theon.

tomk:  For now. But things are finally looking up for Sansa. She has good people by her side and a plan…go to Jon.

jimmy:  That should be everyone’s plan.

Or go to bread. That’s a good plan too.

tomk:  Probably a good thing Jon woke up then.

jimmy:  Heh. True.

I guess that leaves Dany…or mostly the lack thereof.

tomk:  Well, she’s not getting raped. That’s the good news.

jimmy:  About the only good news for her recently.

tomk:  Yes, the bad news is she has to live in the widow’s tent and never know freedom or the touch of another man again.

jimmy:  Yeah good luck with that.

tomk:  Drogon could come back at any minute!

jimmy:  Or her two spurned lovers.

tomk:  Mostly Drogon. Two guys, one of whom has dragonscale, don’t seem that dangerous to a Dothraki horde.

jimmy:  You may be right there.

tomk:  We’ll just have to wait and see.

But that seems to be everything. Anything else to add there, Jimmy?

jimmy:  I was pretty shocked Jon came back!!! 😉

tomk:  And that’s symmetry since we began and ended on the same point!

jimmy:  Heh, and I didn’t even try that. Onward!

And so our Watch continues.  Be back soon when Tom and Jimmy discuss the episodes “Oathbreaker” and “Book of the Stranger”.

tomk74

Defender of the faith, contributing writer, debonair man-about-town.

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