Simpsons Did It!: “Four Regrettings And A Funeral”

The funeral for the title of this episode is for one Chip Davis, a man who impacted the lives of many people in Springfield but never actually appeared on the show.  The closing credits show Chip added to various episodes.

In reality, the show also said goodbye to Marcia Wallace with this episode as Bart had a farewell chalkboard message to Mrs. Krabappel.

But it’s a funeral, and we find out what people regret.  Marge regrets maybe damaging Bart in the womb by listening to KISS albums while she was pregnant.  Is that why Bart is yanking away the kneelers at church and hurting the knees of everyone there, including guest star Joe Namath who just got his knees back to normal health?

Homer regrets trading his Apple stock just before it went big for a cool bowling ball.  Actually, he doesn’t really regret it that much as long as no one rubs it in how much their own stock is worth.

That includes Mr. Burns, who bought Homer’s stock.  What does Burns regret?  That he couldn’t give up being evil for five minutes to appease the love of his life whom he met in Paris many decades earlier.

And finishing everything off is Kent Brockman, who got more screen time than the others near as I can make out.  He regrets he didn’t leave Channel Six with his old broadcast partner Rachel Maddow.  Yes, she is a guest star too.  She has more lines than Namath!

So, what happens?  Well, Burns tracks down his old love and finds she’s a Buddhist nun who was saving herself for him, but while he was doing something with some old-fashioned pump machines to get ready for her, she died.  And then she instantly turned to dust when he kissed the corpse.  She was really old.  But he does try the being nice thing and feels good enough about it to do it for a full ten minutes.

Brockman tries out for a national news job at Fox News, but he’s surprised he has some journalistic standards and goes back to Springfield in time to report on a boy floating away in a laundry basket tied to a bunch of balloons.

That boy is Bart of course.  The only way to get him down is to find a 12 and a half pound sphere and shoot it out of the town’s replica cannon.  Hey, that sounds like Homer’s bowling ball!  And Marge learns from Chief Wiggum that music means nothing since Ralph got hit with Mozart in the womb and look how he turned out!

So, no more regrets, I guess.

Wasn’t much of an episode in retrospect.  Maybe I regret watching it.



Defender of the faith, contributing writer, debonair man-about-town.

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