Simpsons Did It!: “American History X-cellent”

So, there’s a subplot in this episode about Bart and Lisa having an ant farm together.  It doesn’t end well for the ants.  Things never end well for the ants.

Though Homer at one point thinks Bart meant the Aunts were dead and cheers to the idea that Patty and Selma are dead.  They aren’t.  Sometimes things end well for the aunts.

But really, we have an episode here where Mr. Burns is a narrator.  What happened?  Why is he in prison?

Well, he was having a Fourth of July picnic at his house.  That sounds nice.  It would be if he let his employees enjoy it rather than using them as slave labor for his own enjoyment.  Smithers has some problems with that, but Burns doesn’t.  The only thing for Homer, Lenny, and Carl to do is sneak into Burns’ wine cellar, past the heads of extinct animals and the skeletal remains of the last trespasser, and then have some fun on their own terms.  Said fun manages to head out of Burns’ cellar, and that’s where the old man catches the three breaking his things.  He naturally calls the cops in time for Wiggum to spot the three idiots playing Twister on Burns’ fine art collection.

And that’s when Lou notices one of the paintings was stolen from a museum back in the 90s.

And that’s when Burns asks whether it’s wrong to steal fine art if he really wants it.

Yeah, Lenny, Carl, and Homer are off the hook.  Burns goes to jail, where the sheer torture of his original cellmate is the guy graduated from Dartmouth.  Blackmailing the warden doesn’t work either, even if the man is addicted to helium.  He hit that noble gas enough to float for crying out loud!  And both the hose and the flashbulb for the mugshot are strong enough to knock Burns into a wall.  Will anyone save him?  Maybe that large cellmate voiced by guest star Kevin Michael Richardson that looks like the big guy from The Green Mile…or maybe he won’t.  He does initially wear Burns like a stole.

Meanwhile, in the outside world, Smithers is in charge of the plant and trying to be nice to people.  Then he overhears Homer, Lenny, and Carl mocking him for being nice and decides not to do that again.  Soon, Smithers is actually worse than Burns.

Considering the big man is trying to literally suck the evil out of Burns, that may be true all around.  It seems the large man found religion and is determined to help others find it too.  He’s illiterate, but a former cellmate gave him a book with Jesus’ picture on the cover.  Actually, it wasn’t Jesus or the Bible but Charles Manson on the cover of Helter Skelter.  Man, I hate when I get those two mixed up.  Whatever it is works because Burns turns over a new leaf just in time for Homer, Lenny, and Carl to break him out to save them from Smithers.  The big man won’t let them at first, but Burns’ talks him into it.  It seems the large fellow only really tries to make up to helping small, old white men because he murdered so many of them before he got caught.

Man, that’s dark.

Burns does reclaim the plant, and remembers his cellmate.

The cellmate forgot Burns already.  He’s moved on to converting Joe Mantegna’s Fat Tony.

He’s probably not as evil at Burns.

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