Simpsons Did It!: “Husbands And Knives”

So, I think this may be Marge’s third or fourth successful business venture.  Why is it the Simpsons never seem to hold on to her good fortune?

Oh yeah.  There’s a cosmic reset button.

The Comic Book Guy is forever abusing his customers.  A single tear can cause him to overcharge someone for a barely perceptible stain.  As such, when a new comic store opens across the street, the kids of Springfield rush right over.  The new store’s owner Milo (guest voice Jack Black) is a fun hipster who sings Tom Jones covers in Korean, has the sorts of artsy  and foreign comics Lisa loves, doesn’t mind minor damage since the books were made to be read and not stored away in Mylar, and not only can he talk superheroes with Bart, but also asks Bart’s opinion on things like he’s genuinely interested.  You know, the sorts of things Comic Book Guy is genetically incapable of doing.

Things come to a head when there’s a big signing at Milo’s.  Who’s there?  The League of Extraordinary Freelancers!  Batman-loving Dan Clowes!  Little Lulu-loving Alan Moore (don’t ask about Watchmen Babies DVDs)!  And a pun-loving Art Spiegelman!  Comic Book Guy makes one last attempt to rally his old customers back, first by pointing out hipster Milo has a hipster girlfriend, and no comic book store owner has a girlfriend of any kind.  When that doesn’t work, he offers to sell authentic Japanese weapons.  Milo thinks (correctly) selling weapons to children isn’t right, so CBG goes on a katana-wielding rampage.  That’s when those Freelancers get involved.  It turns out they’re all rather buff, muscular men with capes.  Spiegelman even has a Maus mask.  It seems if you dispense a harsh beating to an overweight nerd, that sets things right.

Phrased that way sounds very wrong.

As it is, Marge has realized she can’t hide behind a Wonder Woman cutout anymore, so she needs to hit a gym.  The local gym is full of fitness buffs doing OK-Go choreography on the treadmills, and the showers have glass panes opening up to the street for some reason.  That’s no place for a regular woman like Marge, so she decides to open her own place in the Comic Book Guy’s old locale.  A few simple rules, such as “no men,” and her “Shapes” gym is off and running.  She even gets to open a second location.

She’s doing so well, she can take herself and Homer to a nice hotel for a lady businessladies convention.  That’s how the sign outside referred to them.  Homer’s having a blast poolside when he meets some other husbands of successful businesswomen.  And it turns out, they’re all trophy husbands who were replacements for dumpy, fat guys.  And Marge is showing all the signs of dumping Homer according to those guys (truthfully, the only thing Marge was discussing dumping was an old purse).  However, one of the men was a first husband.  He can give Homer advice:  exercise, keep up with fashion, and give up alcohol.  Homer decides instead to get his stomach stapled.

That actually does make Homer thin, aside from the excess skin he tries to hide from Marge with some creative clipping.  But that isn’t enough, so Homer goes back to get the works for plastic surgery.  And it seems to make him into a freak that Marge will not only dump, but shove off the roof of Notre Dame of Springfield.

Fortunately, that was a dream.  Marge found out and had Homer’s stomach unstapled.  She loves the big lug anyway, because whenever she looks at the guy, she sees the boy she fell in love with.  That’s sweet.

Too bad the League of Freelancers couldn’t stop that meteor from hitting the city.

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