Simpsons Did It!: “Stop! Or My Dog Will Shoot”

You ever get the feeling they weren’t trying very hard for plot ideas when they got near the end of season eighteen?

Of course not.  You probably had that feeling multiple seasons earlier.

The Simpsons are going to what Homer believes is Oktoberfest.  It isn’t.  It’s a harvest festival.  No alcohol allowed.  Homer naturally hates that sort of thing and tries to wander off with the family when they find what looks like a lame corn maze.  Problem is, the family accidentally wandered into the maze.  How does that happen exactly?  Hard to say.  Harder to say how the Simpsons will get out, though Marge comes up with a good idea of splitting up…not maritally, but just in the maze.  Yeah, she might be better off without Homer, too, but that would be cruel in other ways.

As it is, Homer can’t get out.  He’s lost, and the corn is electrified for some reason so he can’t even charge out through the corn.  The police would normally be helpful here, but the K9 officer Jaws can’t help…she just had a litter of puppies.  And sure, a puppy party sounds awesome and…

Wait, that legitimately does sound awesome!


OK, maybe more cute than awesome, but I kinda want a dog right now.

Anyway, Bart figures it’s time to call in Santa’s Little Helper, and fortunately there’s a hole in the floor of the car or else he’d never get out after being locked inside that thing.  SLH easily navigates the maze after getting a whiff of Homer’s sports bra (oh my…) and that maze was hard enough that guest star Stephen Hawking gave up and popped the helicopter blades on his wheelchair.

But the dog saves Homer, and Chief Wiggum is so impressed he offers the dog a spot on the police force.  Homer says no at first, but then Bart asks a second time and he relents.

So, Santa’s Little Helper goes to the police academy for animal cops, where his classmates include various dogs, horses, an alligator, and a dolphin.  Santa’s Little Helper proves more adept than most Simpsons and passes with flying colors, and guest star Rudy Giuliani is giving the commencement address.  Now partnered with Lou, he takes a bullet graze during a domestic dispute and helps bring in Snake when Lou and the dog catch Snake selling steroids to Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney.  Santa’s Little Helper actually manages to bring Snake in, but then someone had the dog to the paperwork, and that wasn’t admissible enough for court.

You know, obviously.

Upset over a rough day, Santa’s Little Helper actually bites Bart and has to move in with Lou.  To compensate, Homer and Marge get Bart a new pet he picks out himself:  a python Bart names Strangles.

Bart takes the snake to shop’n’tell, but it gets loose after eating Martin’s dancing rabbit.  And then it knocks over some chemicals, creating a dangerous gas cloud.  Bart’s stuck inside, but wakes to find both Santa’s Little Helper and Strangles waiting for him.  Who will Bart ask to rescue him?

The dog.  Obviously.  Santa’s Little Helper quits the force and goes back to being the Simpsons’ dog.

Don’t feel too bad for Strangles, though.  Groundskeeper Willie took him in and let him live wrapped around the school’s firehose.

That’ll do, snake.  That’ll do.

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