Geek Review: Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

I skipped the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean.  It didn’t exactly grab my interest then or now.  But I am the closest Gabbing Geek has for a film critic, so here we are.  Johnny Depp is back as Captain Jack Sparrow.  Could he, as Watson speculated, be trying to intentionally ruin his career?

Maybe not as Captain Jack, but he did appear in Yoga Hosers.

But what about the fifth film in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise?

Well, it sure looked like a Pirates of the Caribbean film.  If there was anything really important from the fourth film, I didn’t get the impression I missed anything.

With a similar tone, cinematic style, and script as past Pirates films, here we have the usual group of oddballs looking to find an ancient sea treasure before some supernatural types get to it or them first.  There’s Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites), trying to save his father Will (Orlando Bloom in a cameo) from the curse of the Flying Dutchman.  He knows all the legends of the sea.  Then there’s Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario), a woman of science frequently accused and occasionally condemned for witchcraft.  She has a journal from her father, a man she knows nothing of beyond the book, that she can use to vindicate him by finding the treasure in question and maybe learning more about him in the process.  And finally, there’s Captain Jack Sparrow, who probably doesn’t really want the treasure, but it may be the only thing that can save him from the spectral crew of pirate-hunters led by one Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem).  Salazar was tricked by a young (and sober and competent) Jack Sparrow into a cursed situation and wants nothing more than revenge.

What is this treasure all these people, plus a few others, are looking for?  The Trident of Poseidon, an artifact that can give the bearer power over the sea and the possibility of removing all ocean-based curses.

In the meantime, there’s the usual Pirates stuff going on, with lots of characters moving around a map, betrayals and double-crossings, a bland romance between two bland characters, slapstick, a cameo from a rock’n’roller as a pirate (Paul McCartney this time), and the constant question of what side Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) is on.  Salazar and his crew have a nice, “underwater corpse” look going, though as always the unstoppable supernatural sailors are somewhat more stoppable in the final scenes. And there’s some literal shark jumping.  Oh, and a bank robbery in the early going that might have been somewhat inspired by a Fast and the Furious movie.  This movie could have served as a nice cap to the entire series, but then I saw the post-credits scene.  I mean, I knew Disney wanted another one, but still…

Anyway, it was decent.  Probably more fun for fans of Jack Sparrow, but a pleasant if unmemorable diversion for anyone else.  Seven out of ten unexpected weddings.

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