Simpsons Did It!: “Future-Drama”

We’ve seen future-set episodes of The Simpsons before, but the last two showed the same additions to the Simpson home, so they could have been the same future.  Those additions are absent this time, so maybe not.

I think about this sort of thing way too much.

Bart and Lisa are out one day and get to arguing about which disgusting members of the Springfield community is dating which Simpson.  About all anyone can conclude is no one is gay for Moleman.

He comes to that conclusion himself.  Poor Moleman.

Anyhoo, the two tumble into Professor Frink’s house where he has perfected a machine that correctly analyzes the one true science, astrology.

No, not astronomy.  Astrology.  You know.  Reading the stars to predict the future?  Horoscopes?  A big steaming pile of horse pucky?  Yeah, you know what I mean.

Anyway, Frink sets his machine to show Bart and Lisa what life will be like in eight years.  What is it like?  Well, because Lisa skipped ahead two years, the pair are graduating together.  First up is the prom.  Bart’s date, Jenda (guest star Amy Poehler) is a skateboarding rebel after Bart’s own heart.  Lisa is dating what looks like an extremely ‘roided up Milhouse.  Eight year old Lisa is horrified.  It seems Milhouse will rescue her from a burning building when she’s 12.  He also will start that fire.

But Bart and Lisa are getting off better than Nelson.  He had to choose between Terri and Sherri.  That’s easy when he manages to impregnate both of them, so he took both of them.  Ha ha!

After prom, Bart takes Jenda off to a cliff overlooking Springfield and asks her to marry him.  He has zero plans for the future that involve a home that isn’t on wheels or anything that involves a real job.  Jenda realizes she has outgrown Bart at that exact moment and breaks up with him.  He has no future as it is.

Lisa, meanwhile, got a full scholarship to Yale from Mr. Burns, a scholarship that came from a legal settlement after the old man had successfully stolen Christmas.  She also breaks up with Milhouse because it’s Milhouse.

Bart, dejected, goes to Homer.  Homer’s in a similar situation.  He and Marge are separated.  In fact, Marge is dating Krusty.  What happened?  Homer used their life savings to buy an underwater house.  A three hour decompression is required to return to the surface.  Homer might not have thought that through.  Like, you know, everything else in his life.

Homer takes Bart to Moe’s via hovercar (a crappy prototype) and aside from tossing aside Futurama‘s Bender (yup, John DiMaggio), Homer’s efforts almost get Bart set up with another woman.  The woman is Mrs. Krabappel.  He turns her down.  She’s fine with that.  She says they can both do better.

But if Bart wants Jenda back, he’ll need a job and a promising future.  Apu hires him at the Kwik-E-Mart where the octuplets seem to be running things in jetpacks, and Bart makes a delivery to an elderly shut-in.  Who is it?  Mr. Burns.  He’s being robbed and Bart smacks Snake unconscious with a giant diamond.  As a reward, Burns gives Bart the scholarship.

So, doing that gets Jenda back for Bart and Lisa goes back to Milhouse since she’s in a vulnerable place and Milhouse can take advantage of that since he’s a rather desperate fellow even when he isn’t blasting his quads.  But a chance trip to Frink’s house (where a skeleton shows he hung himself) has Bart find the same future machine and he sees Lisa’s future with Milhouse.  It ain’t pretty.

Does Bart do the right thing?  Duh, yes.  He gives up Jenda to make sure Lisa has a future.  Aw.

And then Marge and Homer get back together.  Aw.

Nelson goes “out for cigarettes” when he sees Sherri and Terri each gave birth to twins.  Ha ha aw.

Maggie is missing since she’s on vacation on a sunny beach.  It’s Alaska.  A polar bear dies next to her.  Aw?

Meanwhile, Cletus is Vice President.  Really.


Defender of the faith, contributing writer, debonair man-about-town.

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