Simpsons Did It!: “Diatribe Of A Mad Housewife”

Hey, look, Homer got in trouble for lying again and Marge did something that ended up causing her husband’s fragile ego to feel pain!

It must be a Wednesday!

Our story begins at the Krustyburger driver-in, where Homer orders more food for breakfast than he can safely fit in his lap, so he declines the seat to a reclining position, and you just know this won’t work out, especially when he chomps into a breakfast burrito and spurts the insides all over his windshield and a toy from the happy meal is blocking his brakes.  He does manage to get to the Plant on time, but he plows right into Mr. Burns’ office and runs over the government inspector.  He also ran over the grief counselor.  As such, Mr. Burns fires him.

Walking home, Homer quickly gets a job as a car salesman.  He has an unfortunate habit of laughing manically when leaving a couple to sign the paperwork since he knows they’ll be visible on the other side of a two-way mirror, plus he has a habit of turning on the radio to mask it when he breaks wind.  Obviously, Homer sucks at this, but the lot has a 1960s style ambulance that no one in their right mind would buy since the only thing that works is the siren.

Yes, Homer buys it and sets up his own ambulance service.

Meanwhile, Marge takes the kids to a big book store where all the books are on the fourth floor.  As it is, Marge’s favorite romance novelist, Esme Delacroix, is reading from her new book.  I don’t know what it was called, but all her books had the word “scandal” in the title, so that’s good enough for me.  Inspired, Marge decides to write her own.

Of course, the kids are a bit rowdy, so Marge needs Homer to watch them.  That would be when Homer pulls in with his new ambulance and tells Marge he quit his job as a car salesman.  That’s a bit behind the times for Marge, since Homer didn’t share any of that stuff beforehand.  He did send her a long text message about some ducks he fed.  Homer opts to take the kids anyway, where we learn that Homer, among other things, wants his children to do CPR despite not being paramedics and doesn’t even know where the hospital is.

Marge on her own quickly writes the book, one that suggests sex in the time of whaling ships.  She’s inspired by the sailboat painting over the living room sofa, and thinks whaling hasn’t been utilized before despite the name of the painting being Scene from Moby-Dick.  At first, Marge is inspired to depict Homer as her protagonist’s handsome, useful husband.  Then the real Homer comes home and demands dinner.  The husband character is immediately changed into a fat, disgusting, abusive animal who’d rather go to Moab’s Tavern.

Who’s the new love for Marge’s tortured heroine?  Well, he’s modeled after Ned Flanders.  That may seem odd, but remember:  this is Springfield.  Flanders more or less is the top of the food chain as far as men go.  After finishing her book, Marge gets Lisa to proofread it.  Lisa likes the work, but does remind her mom that Homer might be upset, so Marge asks Homer to read it.  He tries.  He really does.  But he quickly falls asleep.

So, he’ll just lie about reading it, say the whole thing is cool, and enjoy that sweet period between the lie and getting caught.

As it is, Marge’s book, The Harpooned Heart, works out well for Ms. Delacroix.  They even manage to get some quotes from “reclusive” author Thomas Pynchon and a quoted-out-of-context Tom Clancy.  The book comes out and everyone in Springfield buys a copy.

Will Homer find out?  Bart doesn’t think so since Homer doesn’t read.  He does watch Mad TV though, so if they ever to a parody of a movie version…

As it is, when Homer overhears people talking, he buys the audiobook as read by the Olsen twins (they take turns).  And that’s when Homer sees he has no choice but to…well, first own up that he didn’t read the book, then learn Marge maybe has a thing for Flanders.  Angry, Homer goes next door and scares Flanders away by reaching three grasping hands through the door.

Actually, the third was Nelson stealing the doormat.

Homer follows a fleeing Flanders, but Ned can always be relied upon to pull over for an ambulance.  And as the tragic climax to Marge’s novel starts to play out…Homer asks Ned to teach Homer to be a better man.  That was surprising.

So, Homer got a wake-up call with the ending of Marge’s book after the beginning put him to sleep.  Marge is touched as this sounds like the best review she got.  Sadly, it really is, but Homer suggests the two team up for a special project.

That would be cracking the Kennedy assassination.  That was unexpected.

And no, Homer, Lee Harvey Oswald was not looking to steal the Jack Ruby.

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