Simpsons Did It!: “Today I Am A Clown”

You know what we haven’t done in a while?  Checked in and see how Krusty is making out with his Jewish heritage.

But first, what happens when Santa’s Little Helper decides to go have a meet-n-greet with Dr. Hibbert’s purebred poodle Rosa Barks?  Well, you get Dr. Hibbert showing up at the Simpson door with a box full of halfbreed puppies.  Sure, he’s out a box, but now the Simpsons needs to find a home for all these puppies.

Wait, didn’t Santa’s Little Helper sire some puppies before?  Lisa checks an episode guide and sees that this is true.  That’s some quality meta-comedy right there.

But why didn’t Homer get the dog fixed?  Well, he was going to, but decided to give the dog a quality last night out, including a trip to a doggy prostitute..  Homer hires the human prostitute with her for a game of air hockey.  That sounds about right.  Anyway, Homer and SLH made an oral agreement that the dog wouldn’t let anyone know he wasn’t neutered.  Cue canine abuse…

Well, now Bart and Lisa are going around giving away puppies and the last one goes to Krusty.  See, there has to be a Krusty segue since the episode is about him.  As it is, Krusty takes his dog for a walk and gets to his old neighborhood, and then finds the Jewish Walk of Fame.  Walking the length, Krusty sees he’s not listed on it, so off he goes to find out why.

Problem:  Krusty never had a Bar Mitzvah.  In the eyes of God and the Springfield Jewish Walk of Fame, he is not a Jewish man.  And yes, they know exactly how much Krusty donates to B’nai B’rith.

Oh woe is the clown.  He isn’t a self-hating Jew!  He’s just a plain old anti-semite!  Rainier Wolfcastle would like to talk to him now.

And why didn’t Krusty get a Bar Mitzvah if his father was a rabbi?  Ask Rabbi Krustofski (returning guest star Jackie Mason) and he’ll tell you:  it’s because his son is a putz who wouldn’t take that sort of thing seriously.  So, Krusty will now button down, study up, and stop working on Saturdays.  That means he needs a substitute for his show, someone incompetent, ugly, and stupid that won’t take Krusty’s job.  Cue Homer.

Then Homer, turning a kids show into a round-table discussion forum with Moe, Lenny, and Carl, finds real success when the guys discuss topics like whether or not Miss USA or Miss America has more power.  Well, one is appointed and the other elected…

In fact, Homer is so successful, Channel Six cancels Krusty’s show.  They even fire the executive who was firing Krusty for not doing it fast enough.

Desperate, Krusty goes to find a new network to air his show.  He ends up on Fox.  They’ll air anything.  And it’ll be a reality show about his upcoming Bar Mitzvah.

Meanwhile, Homer is growing in power on the show, and that can’t be good.  First he fires Lenny for asking for a small cost-of-living pay raise.  Lenny’s replacement, Barney, asks if the lights have to be go bright.  Barney’s replacement Disco Stu knows his place.  But Homer is doing so well, Lisa convinces him to use his new media power to discuss things that really matter.  Bart disagrees.  Homer goes with Lisa’s plan and tearfully discusses global debt.  The audience and the panel start to depart.  When Bart comes on to tell Homer how dumb it was to use Lisa’s plan, Homer strangles his son on the air and that kills the rest of the audience.

At the same time, Krusty’s, let’s say disrespectful, Bar Mitzvah is airing, and he’s back on top.  But what kind of Bar Mitzvah has the cast of The Lion King and guest star Mr. T pitying every fool?  Well, he disappoints his father.

So then he had a real Bar Mitzvah.  And Mr. T was still in attendance.  And we all learned a valuable lesson from T.

He really should have invested his money better.

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