Simpsons Did It!: “E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)”

Sometimes the movies give people bad ideas.

The Simpsons are out at the movies, seeing something called The Poke of Zorro.  You know the story, when Zorro fought to put King Arthur back on the throne?  No?  But Bart said it was historically accurate.  I guess not.

By the by, if you can, pause and read the closing credits for this movie and be amused by the names tossed out.  Personally, you probably can’t beat how it lists James Earl Jones as the voice the magic taco.

However, Homer saw Zorro threaten a guy with a slap of a glove, challenging the man to a duel.  The Scarlet Pimpernel turned out to be a coward and ran away, leaving King Arthur to declare Zorro the new King of England.  As a result, when Marge is disrespected in the lobby, Homer grabs a custodian’s glove, slaps the miscreant, and challenges him to a  duel.  Said guy runs off.  Homer soon learns that threats of duels can lead to all kinds of great stuff, and that means a song sung by the B-52’s.

That works until Homer slaps a Southern colonel in a  white suit.  Yeah, that guy will actually accept a challenge.  And he’ll choose pistols at dawn.

Let that be a lesson to you…never challenge a member of the Charleston Dueling Society to a duel.

Fortunately, Marge is able to sneak Homer out around the Christmas tree Homer never threw out.  And since the Colonel isn’t going anywhere, the Simpsons are homeless.  Heck, Homer almost gets into another duel with Jimmy Carter after sass mouthing the former president.  Why does Homer anger so many Southern gentlemen?

Well, Homer does have a place for them to live.  He takes everyone to the farmhouse he grew up in.  Didn’t that place burn down?  Well, never mind.  It’s a dilapidated husk, but it’s still mostly standing.  And even though the inbred hicks (as Homer refers to them) at the feed store tell him his farm won’t grow crap, he tries anyway.  He can’t grow crap.  So, he asks Lenny to send some plutonium, and as a result does grow something.  It looks like a tomato.  The inside is tobacco.  Mutant veggies.  Great.  They apparently taste terrible but people can’t stop eating them.  Lisa finds the stuff Homer has dubbed “tomacco” abhorrent, Bart is finally eating his vegetables, and Marge can’t sell any of her mincemeat pies on the side of Homer’s stall.

This would be where Laramie Cigarettes shows up to make a huge cash offer for the plant.  Lisa’s points about how wealthy these companies get on the back of human misery causes the rest of the family to take the wrong lesson and decide to ask for more money.  Homer asks for too much.  They go back to the farm and find every animal in the region has eaten most of the crops in a crazy tomacco addiction.  One plant remains, and after the house is besieged by berserk critters, Homer accidentally tosses it away to the tobacco execs in a  helicopter.  They might have gotten away too were it not for a nicotine addicted sheep getting onboard and causing the chopper to crash.  Don’t worry, though.  The sheep managed to hop away.

The Simpsons decide to go back to Springfield.  Why did they leave again?  Oh yeah.  The Colonel is still there.  The duel is on, and Marge’s pies finally come in handy as the Colonel would rather have some pie.  Then Homer asks if they were dueling or what.  The Colonel, a little embarrassed, shoots Homer in the arm.

Homer will probably go to the hospital.  But first, he also wants some pie.  You gotta have your priorities straight.

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