Simpsons Did It!: “Marge Simpson In: ‘Screaming Yellow Honkers'”

John Kassir voices a possum or something along those lines in this episode. Who is he? He was the Cryptkeeper on Tales from the Crypt.

Good luck finding that possum.

Springfield Elementary does some really freakin’ weird stuff in the auditorium. That must be why the entire town is there to see the teachers and staff put on a talent show with questionable talent. Groundskeeper Willy’s jokes don’t work outside Scotland, and why does Mrs. Krabappel do a balloon dance?

And the intermission causes people to run out the door and not come back rather than stay for whatever the cafeteria workers were going to do.

Homer was loaded down with stolen refreshments, so Marge had to drive. And therein lies the problem as Marge is too timid to be anything close to aggressive enough to get the family out of the parking lot. Then Homer spots Krusty driving out in his Canyonero. Cue Hank Williams Jr.

Homer listens to his impulse zone again and cashes in his 401(k) to buy one. Then he learns it’s the F-series for ladies, and he won’t drive it. Marge is stuck with it, and finds a vehicle that has an on-board computer asking Marge where she wants to go is sweet since no one has ever asked her that before, ever. And not only does the truck fit all three kids and 32 grocery bags, but when the family gets stuck in traffic, Marge can cut across a field to their house. Cue Hank Williams Jr.

Also cue Marge yelling at nature to “get out of the way.”

Yes, the power of the Canyonero is intoxicating, and Marge finds the aggression needed to be a jerk. She won’t even show respect for a military funeral. Chief Wiggum pulls her over and orders her to traffic school for Road Rage. If she decided to go to the fastest online traffic school california would probably be the best place to look.

Yeah, I think I should capitalize it.

As it stands, the class works on most of the participants except for Marge, who gets impatient and drives off, avoiding someone going in the opposite direction but plowing into the prison and letting the inmates out. Wiggum tears up her license…or he would if his fingers weren’t so stubby. Marge has to do it herself.

Dejected, Marge opts not to go with the rest of the family to a wild animal park, where Homer uses a slingshot to wake up a lemur that causes a chain reaction that ends with a herd of rhinos getting loose. One man told them a chain link fence couldn’t hold rhinos…or, well, he meant to tell them. Big difference. And while most of the park attendees get to safety, Homer, Bart, and Lisa aren’t so lucky, and Homer is soon out of popcorn to throw at the beasts surrounding the family as they stand on top of their car. I find it amazing Homer tossing popcorn apparently did knock out one rhino…

To stop the rampaging rhinos, or thunder lizards as Chief Wiggum calls them, they’d need a hard driver with a tough vehicle and a heart to match. Too bad Marge says no at first, until she learns its her own family in danger and then goes out to round them up. She manages to get Bart and Lisa, but Homer won’t fit through the sunroof and one last rhino snags Homer by the belt and takes him for a dash through town. Professing love to Jesus, Allah, and Buddha, Homer is eventually saved when Marge sacrifices the SUV with a roll-over that starts a fire that the rhino instinctively moves to put out, allowing for an easy capture with what looks like a flimsy net. Marge learned all that worked from Stone Phillips.

That was some adventure. To think it started when Homer got a look at Mrs. Krabappel’s butt against his will.

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