Man, there’s a reason I never tried to write out Apu’s last name before…
It’s a bachelor auction to benefit the Springfield Fire Department. And it isn’t going well. Bachelors like Barney, the Sea Captain, and especially Moe aren’t being bid on by anybody. The firefighters look like handsome, eligible bachelors, but maybe they’re all married. Seeing a need, Marge pushes Apu to volunteer. Since he has a Ph.D, owns his own business, loves to listen instead of talk, and a few other things, a group of women that include Miss Hoover, Selma Bouvier, Luane VanHouten, Miss Pennycandy, and Ruth Powers pool their money to get a date each with Apu.
After which, Apu finds out how much fun being a swinging single can be. That would be about the same point his mother writes to tell him its time for his arranged marriage to happen. Apu certainly doesn’t want that!
He probably doesn’t want to lie to his mother either, but that was the best plan Homer could come up with. Claiming to already be married, Apu thinks he’s off the hook.
Well, he is until his mom shows up in town, and Homer offers Marge as a pretend wife. It would have been nice to consult Marge over all this, or even warn her more than five seconds before Apu and his mother arrive. And Apu’s mother (I am not writing that last name again if I can help it), voiced by Andrea Martin, is incredibly displeased with Apu for tossing aside his heritage and whatnot.
But where does Homer go? He moves into the Retirement Castle with Grampa where he is mistaken for another resident. And for some reason, Homer loves it there. Yeah, he wonders why he has to use his own legs and lungs like a sucker, but when the real Cornelius Talmidge shows up, that’s the end of that. Now, if he’d managed to stay away from his house for another five minutes, then maybe Apu’s mother wouldn’t have found out the truth. And nothing is changing her mind about the wedding.
She also doesn’t move out, which is rather mystifying to Lisa among others.
And though Apu dreads the wedding, and Homer does some rather at best insensitive things to try to stop the wedding, and Bart remembers he used to have an elephant named Stampy, Apu lucks out. Manjula has grown up to be an attractive and witty woman. And since they are in America, divorce is much simpler. So, the wedding goes off, and everyone is happy.
Even Moe, since he finally got to see Easter Island.