Here we are, about halfway through the month of July, and the movie we all knew was coming because it made people really mad for some reason has come out and we have some numbers for it.
Yes, we now know a bit more about The Secret Life of Pets‘ chances for success.
In other news, Watson still isn’t back from that walkabout he went on. Another distant cousin of his showed up. We could see right through this one! I called her Dead Watson.
She was a little upset.
Here’s what she had to say:
What is wrong with the living? Do they truly fear change? Do they not realize times are different now than they were then? I keep having to explain to my Great Uncle Thaddeus that slavery was abolished. But then I got to thinking maybe the reason the best movie I have seen in decades didn’t take the number one spot was because the mortals were too AFRAID of it!
That’s it! It has to be! Why else would the utter banality of talking animals that is The Secret Life of Pets take the top spot again? $50.5 million? Seriously? Talking animals is the oldest trick in the book! Cartoons have been doing it since Aesop! And yes, I know Aesop didn’t make cartoons…while he was alive. Tee hee. You’ll love those things when you get to this side.
No, second place went to Ghostbusters. C’mon, you amongst the quick! I was an extra in that! It deserved better than $46 million!
And third place? Legend of Tarzan? $11 million? I asked Edgar Rice Burroughs about that, and even he didn’t want much to do with that movie.
More talking animals at #4. Finding Dory. I can get behind that a bit. Even the dead love Pixar. Another $11 million, but not as much as Tarzan when you start counting pennies and whatnot.
And there might as well have been talking animals in Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. That was about all that movie was missing.
No, sit here while I go haunt some drunk. Watching those guys try to run away is always a laugh riot.
Man, there are far too many Watsons out there.