I’m resigned these days. Someone has to do this stupid report every week, and I’m stuck with it. Look, I’m on record for saying these numbers are lower than trivia…and if I wasn’t, I am now. But now I am outright baffled.
See, what outright baffles me isn’t that The Secret Life of Pets got first place. I can see that. Kids movie, parents need to entertain said kids. It happens. And no one wanted to see The BFG. But $103 million? That’s around what Finding Dory apparently did in its first week. You know, give or take a few million. So, I guess we’ll be seeing these characters again. Did the world really want a Louis CK role that didn’t ask him to play melancholy?
But now I get really confused.
Why was Legend of Tarzan in second place? $20.6 million? Who is seeing this movie? You know, besides me, and I didn’t exactly give it a glowing review.
I mean, that thing beat out Finding Dory this past week ($20.3 million). Now, yeah, the Pixar film has been out a few weeks, so the crowds will get smaller, but who is seeing Tarzan?
OK, then there’s the R-rated comedy Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. $16.6 million there. I get that you can’t take your kids to this one, but what parent is taking their kid to see Tarzan?
And finally, the subtle political satire The Purge: Election Year came in fifth with $11.7 million, but I still say who the hell cares.