I titled this week’s entry after a song by the light rock group Chicago.
And I gotta say, light rock sure sounds like an oxymoron.
Oh, and I still don’t care about this feature, but some folks here are really, really, really invested in how much money things earn. Though, you can be back here later today, I am sure, for Ryan waxing enthusiastic about the Tony Awards. Or not. I write these things in advance, and no one has won anything yet.
Yes, while wondering when Watson will return and take this stupid weekly column away from me, another one of his long-lost, distant cousins walked in. He said his name was Professor Watsoni, and he was a famous stage magician.
Are there any really famous stage magicians anymore? I dunno. I tend to suspect those guys are up to no good, like robbing people. I saw that in a movie. It was called The Amazing Burt Wonderstone. I still haven’t seen Now You See Me.
Anyway, here’s what the Professor had to say.
It is all a world of illusion! Where magic and the forces of the beyond are called upon to entertain and forewarn! Yes, forewarn! What else is the point of a movie like The Conjuring 2, but to forewarn the audience of the hazards of the supernatural! And it did so, too, to the tune of $40 million. That’s a lot of people to get a vital, necessary warning that there are some forces out there that man was not meant to control.
And magic can cause other problems! Sometimes I pull a rabbit out of a hat! Sometimes that rabbit is an orc! Warcraft displayed this on a much greater scale! Second place with $24.3 million, though they are eating that stuff up with a spoon in China for some reason.
But I was disappointed that my personal favorite movie of the week, one that gave me all manner of ideas, Now You See Me 2, only came in third place with $23 million! What is wrong with people? Do they not want to see great prestidigitators at work? I got all kinds of ideas from those people too! Like, maybe we should cast one of those guys as Lex Luthor! I’ll bet Woody Harrelson would be great in that role!
Oh, yeah, the other two movies dealt more with weird science than magic, so I don’t care about them. That would be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 with $14.8 million, and X-Men: Apocalypse with $10 million. Lousy mutants. I hate mutants so much…
Then he dropped a smoke pellet and tried to pretend I didn’t see him make a run for the door.