If it’s Memorial Day today, does the Box Office Report come out today or tomorrow?
I don’t know. I don’t even care one whit about the Box Office Report, but some lawyers around here seem to think this nonsense is important and interesting.
And actually, after last week’s trashing of Angry Birds, we have a rebuttal for this week’s report from…an angry bird.
So, you’re the jackass that was rainin’ on my parade? You think you’re better than me? Do ya? Huh? Can’t believe a movie like mine can get first place? Or that it deserves it? I got a family to feed too, ya know!
And what happened? My movie is down to third after a pair o’ sequels! You go on about lack of originality and such, and sequels beat my movie out? How is X-Men Apocalypse (first place with $65 million) and Alice Through the Looking Glass (second with $28 million) somehow better than what I did? Hey, up yours, pal! Do you know how hard it is to make a movie? Any movie? It’s a crap shoot!
And my movie still got third place with another $18.7 million. That’s for a total of over $66 million. How do you like them eggs, bozo!
Let’s see you make a movie, Mr. Wiseguy. You probably couldn’t even do near as well as this week’s fourth place entry. That’d be Captain America: Civil War with an additional $15 million.
Oh, wait, that one’s a big hit. Of course YOU couldn’t do that well. You couldn’t even do as well as a half-assed Seth Rogen comedy like Neighbors 2 with $9 million! No, you COULDN’T!
Then he started swearing heavily and flew away, knocking over a tower of pigs on his way out. Oh, and the numbers he gave are true. That Angry Birds movie has made over $66 million. I have one thing to say to that.