13 Ludicrous Avengers Fun Facts

FACTS! ALL THE FACTS!!!  THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!
FACTS! ALL THE FACTS!!! THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!

Disney has released 13 new “fun facts” about Avengers Age of Ultron as reported by ComicBookMovie.  And while they do give us some new information, they’re also pretty silly.  Find out why after the break.

Here are the raw facts, along with some…ahem…snarky responses from yours truly.  Enjoy.  Warning: these facts may contain mild spoilers, but really they’re funny enough to read anyway.

1. Hulk got a welcomed upgrade to his wardrobe with the addition of stretchy pants, which he wears underneath his clothes. No more will he be caught in the embarrassing situation of being half-naked in shredded clothing when he Hulks-out—the pants, made of high-tech, microfiber fabric, stretch with him.

Listen, as much as I’m happy for a fellow dude receiving the gift of high tech stretchy pants, I’m a bit uncomfortable that family friendly Disney led our Ultron fun facts with the longer version of “We’ve upgraded our Hulk Penis blocking process!” Thanks Disney. Because we weren’t before but now we’re all thinking about the gamma crotch situation. All of Banner’s body seems to grow in proportion during his ragefests so we have to imagine that’s true for little Banner too. And yet we never worried about the Little Angry Green Pants Dweller busting out before. Why address this? Is it because Hulk will soon be put in a position where he can’t just pick up some pants at the closest purple pants store? Is it because Hulk is getting sent…INTO SPACE?!  Nah.  He’s just going to be really far from the nearest Walmart.

Because Walmart has all the stretchy purple pants.
Because Walmart has all the stretchy purple pants.

2. Thanks to Tony Stark’s engineering skills, Hawkeye received an upgrade to his weaponry. He now has many new arrow tips that serve different purposes. Some of these are explained in the movie and others the audience will just get the joy of seeing deployed on screen. Hawkeye’s quiver has also changed—it is more automated and faster loading, and is capable of holding nine arrows.

Wait, this is an UPGRADE? Nine arrows? Makes total sense. After that Chitauri invasion where thousands of warriors invaded New York everyone took a step back and said “You know, the best thing we could do to make Hawkeye more effective in assisting against potentially world ending alien conquerors would be to give him…wait for it…NINE ARROWS! I know, I know. You’re right, Johnson, that IS the best damn idea you’ve ever heard. All right team let’s make this happen.”

Nine arrows. NINE ARROWS. How about a damn automatic quiver that MAKES arrows, an unlimited supply of Hawkeye munitions. Make it Mr Fusion style–drop in garbage, out pops an explosive arrow.

Nine arrows. Let’s hope Ultron doesn’t build that unforeseeable tenth robot minion or Hawkeye is screwed.

3. Hawkeye’s bow also received a makeover, with the classic black color being changed to maroon. Added features to the bow include an infrared-sighting device and a sonic-sighting device.

Nice upgrades, team. When Hawkeye is being bludgeoned to death by the tenth robot he’ll totally appreciate the gentle maroon tones of his last living sight.

4. An exciting change was also made to Captain America’s shield. It now has the ability to be called back, much like the Iron Man suits. Instead of having two handles in the back, the shield now has a magnetic element that clips onto Cap’s gauntlet.

Yeah bitch, MAGNETS! This is EXCITING people. Remember how Cap used to friggin bounce his shield so hard off people and things it would fly back to his hand in a brutal display of strength and tactical brilliance? BORING. Now we have the shield fly back just like all those other pieces of Tony’s armor. Because nothing is as exciting as modifying the most iconic weapon/armor in the Marvel universe to make it function like hundreds of pieces of Stark tech.

5. Courtesy of Tony Stark, Black Widow gets to flaunt new fighting batons, which are based on Escrima Sticks. But Black Widow’s two sticks are charged exactly the same as her stingers, so when she jabs, she is not only striking her opponent, but delivering a massive jolt of power as well.

That’s right guys, Black Widow has had her two biggest weapons upgraded. Now they aren’t just knocking you out–they are KNOCKING YOU OUT! Full on stun mode people. Why, we may just start calling them knockers because of all the knocking out they’ll be doing. Soon you’ll all be seeing “Check out Black Widow’s knockers! They’re stunning!”

Oh, and she’s getting some electric sticks too.

Stop staring at her Ecsima Sticks.
Stop staring at her Escrima Sticks.

 

6. On this film, production designer Charles Wood and his team built an enormous, new Avengers Tower set that is the largest set ever built for a Marvel film. Much of the movie takes place there on its many different levels. A large expanse of glass opens the view to New York City and one can also see a hangar for the Quinjet. The multiple environments are all connected, with the ability to move from downstairs to upstairs and vice versa.

Guys, brace yourself. The set designers here have come up with a way to move from…wait for it…upstairs to downstairs. I know what you’re thinking. “Tony just blasts a hole in the roof and flies up to the next level.” Nuh uh. Too easy. These are Marvel set designers. They’re the best of the best. The cream of the crop. The people who can count to ten so they were overqualified for Marvel Weapons Design. They made…stairs. THIS IS THE GREATEST SET EVER!!!

7. The Avengers Tower set is designed to serve the story in multiple ways. In the movie, the Tower, designed and built by Tony Stark, is a gathering place for The Avengers—a place to plan, do business, relax or study. There is a lounge area, three laboratory areas plus a machine room, a gym, a relaxation area and a locker room. The Tower was also designed to provide everything Tony Stark needs for his work and research.

Wait, there’s a lounge area and a relaxation area.  I guess the lounge area is only for professional recreation time.

Side note: I need a house with a lounge area and a relaxation area.  Because my lounging is stressful yo.

8. New characters entering the Marvel Cinematic Universe from the comic book world are Wanda (Scarlet Witch) and Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver), who have powers that have not yet been seen on screen. Pietro is lightning fast and Wanda possesses the power of telekinesis, and she is able to fire neurons in people’s brains remotely using her powers and as a result can manipulate their minds.

Whoa whoa whoa, stop the clock. There are two new powered people??? WHY HAVE WE NOT HEARD THIS EVER?!?

Yeah, nothing new to report here. Except notice how the copywriter had a mild stroke right in the middle of describing Scarlet Witch’s powers. Quicksilver is a fine description. He’s lightning fast. Check. Scarlet “possesses the power of telekinesis, and she is able to fire neurons in people’s brains remotely using her powers and as a result can manipulate their minds.” Words coming uneasily with bad neurons in my neck topper.

9. Another new character on The Avengers team is Vision, played by Paul Bettany, who previously had voiced Jarvis in the Iron Man films. He’s an artificial life form whose look is truly unique. Vision’s powers are spectacular and he represents a new power base for The Avengers team.

Truly unique? TRULY unique. You know what, Aaron Sorkin covered this better than I ever could.

 

10. The Hulkbuster is an iconic piece of Iron Man tech—a prebuilt super-suit designed to take on the Hulk. The Hulkbuster Armor was developed by Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, after they studied the Hulk’s physical actions and strength levels in an effort to find a way to contain him and minimize the damage caused by his rages. A satellite in low orbit is always around Banner and at a moment’s notice, Tony Stark can deploy the Hulkbuster armor, get into it and stop the Hulk in his tracks—theoretically.

Why was it necessary to describe Hulkbuster as pre-built?  Did Disney think we imagined Tony Stark in the middle of a fight just building a suit of armor on the battlefield?  Actually, I could see him doing that.

But how the hell is a satellite in low orbit always around Banner?  That makey no science.  Theoretically or otherwise.  But it is cool that Banner designed it with Tony.

11. The redesigned Quinjet has a more militaristic look this time around and the pilots are now able to have a good look at the environment around them while flying. The design of the canopy was based on a helicopter cockpit with glass in front and below, which will give audiences a tremendous sense of speed when the Quinjet is flying through city airspace. The interior has been stripped down to a more utilitarian, sleek space as well, with many of the luxurious finishes and padding removed for an edgier look.

Thank god the pilots can now see outside the Quinjet.  This will make flying so much easier.  And I enjoy the cockpit giving the audience a sense of it flying quickly.  Know what else would give us a sense of it going fast?  SHOWING THE JET FLYING FAST!

12. A unique asset to the production in Seoul was the use drones and remote control cars to put the camera in places that could never be achieved by camera operators or helicopters. The production enlisted the expertise of brothers Menstru Pa, who is the Korean National Champion in drone flying, and Pak Min Keu, who is the Korean National Champion in remote car racing.

The far most interesting fact in the list: Korea has drone flying championships.

13. Dressing the Super Heroes for a pivotal party scene was a task that fell to veteran costume designer Alexandra Byrne. Since it is the first time that Thor has ever been seen in party clothes, Byrne worked with Chris Hemsworth to find the right combination of jeans, jacket and shirt that would dress his shape and not look themed or fancy. Dressing Tony Stark was easier, especially since Robert Downey Jr. wanted a very sophisticated look. Subsequently it was off to London’s famous Savile Row for tailoring. After five fittings, Tony Stark emerged looking quite elegant.

Look, I think we can all agree that Thor is ALWAYS in party clothes.  Thor IS the party.

So we didn’t learn a ton of new information but you can’t expect that from a list of facts (although Hulkbuster design work was interesting).  But I will admit to these facts being fun, even if it wasn’t the fun Disney imagined.

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